Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE is it acceptable to let your teenager’s girlfriends or boyfriends visit UNSUPERVISED and certainly to NEVER, EVER spend the night.
Hormones are active. It’s a FACT and it’s NORMAL but they are NOT READY for the ripple effects of having sex. They might still figure out how to get some if they want it but if you’re not PROTECTING your children, you’re NOT PARENTING them! Don’t make it easy for them.
And Mothers (more than fathers but sometimes they do too): you have to STOP coercing your daughter’s love interests with money, lodging & treating them as your own to keep him with her. That’s not parenting, it’s PIMPING and that’s FAR FROM GROWN. #LiveInTheGrownZone
When YOU live in the Grown Zone, your children will grow up in your shadows and make grown decisions too – even if it takes them a while you will have provided reference points for them when they get in trouble. THAT’S YOUR JOB!
My father only had one directive for all of us – do better than I have. But let me tell you, even with only an 8th grade education and his being an abandoned child from the racially segregated deep south of rural Louisiana, those are some big shoes to fill.
Abandoned 3 Year Old Boy
As my father tells the story of the day his mother left him with his father, you can still hear the pain. He was crying and begging her to take him with her. Holding his baby sister on her hip and pushing him back into the screen door repeatedly she said, “You have to stay. I can’t take both of you.” She moved out of state.
My grandfather was far more interested in womanizing than he was parenting. Daddy was often left by his father to fend for himself, or with women who mistreated him. He knows what it is to be hungry, forgotten, alone, and to be unloved. His father has never, in his entire life, given him anything, not one dollar. And although Daddy forgave him (not that his father asked for it) and took care of him up to his death at age 97, he still never got his attention, affection, nor approval.
Daddy decided early that he would not be to his children what his father had been to him. He decided that he didn’t have to live out his father’s choices.
Self Reliance Was Expected
My father was ultimately raised by an uncle and his wife (who couldn’t have children). They believed and taught my father that educated or not, a man was to use what he had and be innovative about how to multiply and make the most of it. All of the men on that side of the family worked and provided for their families well. Never dependent on others, all practiced self-reliance.
My father is no different. Daddy has always worked hard and smart! He’s a military veteran – a Navy man – and naturally curious, with a photographic memory. As a result, he’s been a student of life and made the most of every place he docked and lived all around the world. A reader and a history buff, he loves the Discovery Channels, so when you experience him – especially upon learning all he’s accomplished – you’d never know that his formal education ended at the age of 12.
He knew that he had to earn and has always been more focused on what he could do then on what he couldn’t do. And he has never – even in the segregated south of the 1950s and ’60s – concerned himself about who could stop him.
His uncles taught him that a man is defined by how well he provides for his wife and children.
Side Note: Daddy was (and in many ways still is) an excellent provider to his children. And on top of that he’s never missed a game, recital, award ceremony, graduation or any of my surgeries. When I was in need he showed up!
How He Did It With Little Education
As a young man he bussed tables while going to barber school. He met and married my mother during that time. As a young barber, he rented a building which had an apartment attached; it became his barbershop. He rented chairs to other barbers, rented the apartment and used a back room as a TV repair shop, for which he became a certified technician. He started a pest control service and had a truck hauling service. That’s just the beginning of the legitimate businesses (hustles) he’s had that eventually earned enough to buy the building he worked in; the first of many real estate properties which enabled him to provide for his family and many others in the community.
The Best vs. Your Best
Daddy ingrained this in me: You don’t have to be the best, but you do need to always do your best. My father is not a perfect man, nor was he the perfect parent – no parent is. But he was perfect for me.
In my adult life, one of the things that I’ve learned to appreciate most about my Dad is that he has lived unapologetically! He knows he’s not perfect – has never professed to be – nor is he striving for perfection. His goal is to always be better than he’s been. I love that! And I’ve lived it.
Though he started with so few resources and so little support from his parents, he didn’t let that define him; instead he decided to do the best he could. While he knew that he might not ever be the best, he always gave his best. And even when he failed miserably, his best was always sufficient for him.
I’ve learned as much from his flaws as I have his successes. When I’ve done my best, even if it’s not enough for others, it’s always enough for me. In those times, I’m unapologetic for my decisions and certainly for me – who I am – because I’m always enough for me. My goal is always the same, to be a better me.
Thank you Daddy for being a constant example of courage and commitment. I love you, Sam Green, Sr.
” A (penis-led) man will tell you anything if he thinks you’ll let him hit it, and any hole will do as long as it’s wet and warm.”–Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy
Men: Just because she’s willing to let you hit it, doesn’t mean you should. What seems like “free love” in a moment can wreak mental and emotional havoc on her for years to come. A woman who lays freely is typically in need of things those who lay with her are incapable of supplying.
Stop Letting Your Penis Drive
As part of his public service, mentorship and personal growth efforts, Alfred Edmond Jr. posts, on both his personal and our Grown Zone social media platforms, using the hashtag #AGrownManKnows (book pending). One of his most retweeted and favorited tweets is:
#AGrownManKnows: A king is never ruled by his appetites; a slave, always.
When you allow your penis to drive, you will indeed find sexual satisfaction, but it will ultimately be to the detriment of women, children and society as a whole–including you.
“Ain’t no such thing as free PooNannie; somebody’s paying a price for it, and when you calculate those costs, no nut is ever worth it.” — Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy
Here’s the thing about the price of screwing already wounded women: They haven’t yet figured out the underlying reasons for why they lay. And by the time they do, if ever, their issues have compounded, often resulting in fatherless sons and daughters.
Man, I’m asking you to do better than that. Live a more meaningful life than your next screw. Whatever you practice the most is what’s most on your mind. Being sexually satisfied is at the core of yearning. You can take care of that yourself.
When you seek out women to serve that purpose, you train yourself to objectify and womanize, creating a pattern of behaviors that will be extremely difficult to change later, when you desire a mutually exclusive, trusting, loving relationship. The habits of objectifying and womanizing are not switches you can just turn off; they become part of who you are, and that kind of living hurts people and negatively impacts society.
Start practicing now. Honor every woman, even the ones who haven’t yet learned to honor themselves. If you’ll start there, just do your part and encourage the men in your circle to do the same, you’ll make a dent in the quality of lives in your own circle.
When you honor women, you’re honoring yourself.
You’re either penis-led or a grown man. The refusal to be penis-led and sex-driven in our society takes courage. You’re not a man because you can always find somebody to screw. Any penis-led fool can do that. Now CourageUP! ManUP! #NextDecisionBetter #LiveInTheGrownZone
WARNING: I am not tap dancing around this subject because women have to start devoting real planning and forethought–and set real standards–when choosing their children’s fathers, if there’s going to be a dent in the number of fatherless sons and daughters.
It’s rare that a man who commits to a relationship, marries a woman and then has children with her, will suddenly leave and act as if the children do not exist. It’s not rare for a man to leave his wife, but to drop from his children’s lives completely – that’s rare. So there are different categories of Single Mothers; all don’t have fatherless sons and daughters.
Free Love: Slave To Your Passions
With few exceptions, unplanned pregnancies are the result of two people, usually adults exercising their right to have sex with no concern for ripple effects.
They have the adult right to sex whomever they want, whenever they want, however they want, and may even reproduce, without reason, explanation, nor commitment. However, that kind of screwing is irresponsible and it’s certainly not grown decision-making.
Friends with Benefits
Here’s the problem with this: Women are putting more emphasis on the “friend” and penis-led men are putting more emphasis on the “benefits.” The reason penis-led men don’t support their children is because they didn’t screw with the consideration, and certainly not with the intent, of parenting in mind.
Men are penis-led by nature. When the average man engages in sexual activity, he’s not thinking beyond his immediate gratification. And Momma, although they wanted you when you were making the baby, many of them resent you for having the baby.
Lady, you may not have thought beyond the act either, but you are the one whose life is altered; you are the one most likely to be left with the responsibility of a little person – a lifetime commitment.
The time to realize that a man “ain’t shit” is before he’s your baby’s daddy.
Don’t Be Quick To Lay!
Know who you’re sharing yourself with. Make sure he’s emotionally equipped and prepared to co-parent with you for the long haul, even if the two of you don’t work out. Here’s a hint: If he is not actively parenting the children he’s already sired, it is extremely unlikely that he will make an exception for any child he could potentially sire with you. Any post-pubescent male can sire a child; grown men ready, willing and able to actually father one are far less common.
Your decisions always have ripple effects. Most pregnancies aren’t planned, yet most relationships don’t last. You have to get better qualifiers for choosing who you’ll allow in your life, to sex, and to procreate with.
A man who doesn’t take the time to get to know you, but is willing and eager to sex you, is only thinking about the nut he’s about to bust in you, not the rest of you and certainly not the child he could be producing in that moment.
RAISE THE BAR!
So, maybe your baby’s daddy “ain’t shit.” Then you need to get serious about doing a better job of vetting who you lay with! UP your criteria! RAISE THE DAMN BAR! No, you didn’t make the baby by yourself, but it’s YOUR PooNannie, so it’s YOUR responsibility and in the end, for better or worse, YOUR baby, even though he helped you to produce it.
Growth is a choice; choose it now – Next Decision Better!
And until you figure it out, NO POONANNIE FOR DEADBEATS!That’s the immediate way you start to reduce the numbers of fatherless sons and daughters!
*Footnote* Not all men are penis-led. #LiveInTheGrownZone
You’ve got to become more discriminate about who gets access to your goods. STOP REWARDING DEADBEATS!
A man who does not support his kids has already shown you who he is.
A woman once made the argument in a salon-type setting, “If you’ve got a half decent man you should be happy.” Astonished by women’s agreement I replied, “Not unless you’re only half decent!” **crickets**
Here’s the really unfortunate part: deadbeats continue to have babies because women support them – THE DEADBEATS!
“You don’t get what you deserve you get what you accept!”
-Grown Zone
A woman who allows an only half decent man (and for many of them “half decent” is a compliment) access to her heart, home, money and/or PooNannie does not properly value herself. It’s a ugly cycle that women – the birthers and nurturers – can and must break. Ladies, Your PooNannie is YOUR responsibility!
Any man who doesn’t support his children will not take care of yours…that includes the ones you would have for him. YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION! In fact, if you valued yourself properly, a man who doesn’t support his children shouldn’t get a seat at your table – CERTAINLY NOT A KEY TO YOUR POONANNIE!
If you don’t have a criteria for who gains entry, start with this!
#NoPooNannieForDeadbeats
It’s time to #RaiseTheBar ladies for yourselves and who you choose as your mates for the sake of your children and our future. It’s time to #LiveInTheGrownZone! Ladies, if you want better from a man then you must change your qualifiers.
I think the Grown Zone might just have to add #NoPooNannieForDeadbeats to our “movement” efforts! 😉
I learned early growing up in my daddy’s barbershop that my PooNannie is my responsibility!
Everybody gets to choose what kind of parent they will be and we each have lived unique experiences because of our parent’s choices…none are any better than the other, they are all just different. But our experiences have a lot to do with who we are, including the decisions we make as it relates to sex. This video describes the foundation of my journey.
Now, I am not in any way saying that my father’s “way” is the only way, but I am saying that as a parent, you need to figure out how to communicate this message across to your children!
Here we grow…Grown IS Sexy!
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“I’ve never told any of y’all this but I recorded every conversation y’all had.” He went on to say, “You are my children, this is my house, you were using my phone and it was my responsibility to know what you were doing and to protect you, “ he said and then he fell out laughing.
I just hung up the phone with Daddy – he’d held that all this time. He said, “What’s it been now Baby, over 20 years since you moved out? I figure I’d go ahead and tell you now,” as he cracks himself up laughing!
What was I doing as he shared this? I was laughing hysterically with him. Why? Because that is who my Daddy is and, while I didn’t know he was doing it, I’m not, at all surprised.
Parents, please DON'T!
I’m always troubled, okay let me just tell the truth, PERTURBED by what I call “loosey-goosey ass parenting” – more concerned with being a child’s friend than their parent. As a parent there should be times when your child doesn’t like you, at all! Times when they want something really badly, but don’t have the wisdom to know how it won’t be to their advantage because they’re not developed enough to understand, but you; and when you refuse to bend because you care more about protecting them than being disliked (for a period of time) by them.
We repeatedly heard, “I don’t give a damn how you feel about what I’ve told you to do, just do it!” Daddy didn’t bite his tongue, and every threat he ever made he followed through on. We were very clear about where “the line” was with Daddy and we wouldn’t dare cross it!
Was it fear? YEP! A very healthy fear. Fear based on respect for the man who worked very hard to provide more than we needed, but never all that we wanted – balance is so key!
He never told any of us he loved us (while we were young) and we never doubted that he did because love is an action word. One that is not always about what you do for your children. It is also about what you won’t permit and allowing them to do.
Too many parents want to be the “cool parent” and they fail to discipline and establish/reinforce rules. Children will have a lifetime to develop friendships, but only a sliver of time to be parented and that’s sliver prepares them for a lifetime!
Every one of us has rules to follow in life, so should your children. And they should understand that, early!
Respect wasn’t something my parents had to ask for, and we were more reverent of them than we were afraid. When a child doesn’t learn to revere at home, they’ll not just grant that honor on anybody when they leave your house. A child know their loved when there’s boundaries, rules and discipline and when they get into the real world and see that the home prepared them to respect boundaries, follow rules and has given them the tools to then discipline themselves that’s when the appreciation kicks in.
No they don’t like it when it happens, but they love you more when they have points of reference later in life and that’s what parents are supposed to provide!
Daddy was always a step ahead of me and my siblings. Along with having the village who was quick to tell on us (even whip our tails if we really deserved it) he also had the recorded conversations which he kept downstairs in their bedroom out of clear view (and we wouldn’t DARE go through their things). So when we asked to go somewhere and told a story about where we were going and with whom, our recorded conversations would confirm our truth or reveal our lying asses and Daddy would permit us or deny us based on them.
No, he wasn’t invading my privacy. He was protecting me from my own stupidity and I love him all the more for that! He used the latest technologies to keep us safe. Parents today have far more tools available to them and I think they should use them…all of them!
Who knows how much of my youthful stupidity he protected me from? All I know is that his answer was “no” a lot more than it was “yes”, and he established with us early that “No” was a complete sentence.
So thank you, Daddy for using whatever means necessary to invade my privacy! Maybe if more parents would, they’d have less surprises about what their children are REALLY doing and can better guide them, and protect the rest of us.
Tell me what you think…do you think your underage children should have privacy – something in their lives that you should not know about?
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I heard a young woman recently say that she lost her virginity before she had her first kiss. That is just mind-boggling to me. She went on to say that she’d had multiple sexual partners in an attempt to improve her sexual skills.
Now if prostitution is a career path and she’s living in Nevada where it’s perfectly legal, and it’s the family business, I totally understand that, otherwise, somebody failed her miserably and/or she’s going down a path that may be financially profitable but at what cost?
“Every Tom, Dick and Harry ain’t supposed to know how you moan, Baby; that list ought to be very short. Your reputation depends on it.”–Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy
By now, most of you know that I grew up in my Daddy’s barber shop and beauty salon and that he did not censor any conversations for my sake. In fact, he knew that allowing me to get the uncensored versions of how differently men and women thought about and used sex would be to my immediate and ultimate benefit.
This post is not to condemn any person because all any of us can do is that which we know. But as with every PooNannie Post, it is to spark conversation about behaviors because to be sexually uninhibited is a good thing when in healthy context, but to be “loose” is just irresponsible.
Sexual Guidance is Good Parenting
Our society is moving so fast and parents are so busy running the rat race while sexuality expands, evolves and/or unveils that we are all still trying to figure out where we are sexually, and too many parents, therefore provide little, if any, guidance for our children. And when left to their own devices, they make it up as they go and their experiences become their truth. And being the humans we are, when we reinforce our” truth(s)” through conditioning, how we are conditioned becomes our reality.
Let’s face it, sex has never been an easy subject for most adults, even today in our very actively sexual society, parents are still not talking with their children about what it means to be sexually responsible. Mostly, because they themselves have not been, or worse, still are not.
PooNannie: the delicacy between a woman’s legs
(according to the Urban Dictionary)
Delicacy or Stankin’ Tuna?
No, this is not just about loose girls and loose women, we all know that boys and men are as sexually irresponsible, but they can’t do it without you women (you know the exceptions, but I’m not going there in this post)!
Smarter Than Your Private Parts
WOMAN: You are the gatekeepers and you have to get smarter about how you’re using that tool between your legs. Too many of you, especially you “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T women”, are just doling it out freely, uninterrupted and uninhibited – proving that intellect does not equal smart.
She’s educated! A professional – handling her business and climbing the success ladder all week long, but when dealing with men she trades in her brilliant brain for a box of rocks!
A smart woman wouldn’t dilute the overall value of a delicacy by turning hers into a stankin’ tuna!
“Reputations can be improved, but never removed. You can recover from being a ‘bitch’, but some labels are irreparable…you don’t ever want to be known as the neighborhood ho”. –Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy
The PooNannie is a delicacy. Treat H.E.R. as such – with Honor, Esteem and Respect.
When you do here’s what you’ll find: you’ll attract men who will treat you the same way – with Honor, Esteem and Respect…and you will have deserved it. We tend to get what we accept, not what we deserve. 😉
Enter the Grown Zone…Grown IS Sexy! 😉
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One can’t help but feel warm and fuzzy for Ted Williams and his seemingly miraculous journey from homeless to hopeful. But unless a life transformation support system is put in place to secure his success he will soon be helpless, and possibly homeless, again.
It’s hard to find anybody who hasn’t been affected by addiction. Addicts and their family and friends know that it’s a BEAST! The combination of drugs, years of homelessness (especially after knowing a level of success), the added shame, isolation and criminal activity inevitably means a turbulent and long mental, emotional and physiological road ahead for Williams.
A Media and Marketing Ploy
Second chances are great, but let’s be real: These “miracles” of raining job opportunities and employment contracts for Ted Williams are not the end of his trials, but rather the beginning. His sudden access to income poses as much threat as they do potential, so failing to treat his situation holistically is nothing short of a set up for him and his family for even more, greater disappointment.
From Whence Ted Came
A real commitment to Ted Williams would include a life transformation support system that will teach him how to thrive in his new life. Anything other than that is a media ploy of good will that will only benefit its marketers.
(Since posting this blog much has happened with Ted. Here’s a time line of sorts – a journalists account of the media’s “inability to resist the rags to riches to rehab storyline”)
Mommy Cares, but Skeptical
As she should be after 20 plus years of promises and disappointments, “Mommy” (it’s what 54 year old Ted calls his mother) has more proof that Ted won’t make it than she does that he will. From all public accounts she seems to be set in her beliefs and ways. Like all Mommies, Ms. Julia’s got her own issues. Sure, Mommy wants better for him. But she’s probably not capable of playing a supportive role, at least in the beginning, in Ted’s transformative journey toward stability.
Ms. Julia is who and what she is – for her son’s good or not. She clearly, above all, wants her son to succeed, to make the most of the new opportunities he’s been presented with. And she’s clearly naïve about the intrinsic nature of transformations because her message hasn’t changed – pray. But if natural talent and prayer were enough it would’ve been enough 20 years ago – it was not enough then, and it’s not enough now.
There are many other videos of Ms. Julia’s feelings about Ted. You’ll find them with a quick Google search or at the end of each of these there are links to others.
Have you ever had somebody who served up regular reminders of what a mess you’ve made of your life? Ms. Williams is consumed with the “shame” Ted’s brought on her and their family. She was incapable of just being happy for him; focusing on his being there with her after two decades apart; appreciating that her son is in a better position than she thought was possible for him; and savoring the moment.
Instead, she speaks more of the hurt, pain, shame, and disappointment Ted’s life has brought her than the opportunities for redemption (isn’t that what she’s been praying for?), sustainable living, reconciliation with his children and grandchildren, not to mention the gift to the world he can give again because the man does have a set of pipes that’s soothing to the soul.
Others are not your problem, rather what you BELIEVE about others.
Totally unintentionally, she’d keep him in the past – making it tough to live in the now in order to create a productive future. After all, it’s where she lives – in the past wrongs that she BELIEVES Ted has done to her.
Role of Religion
Her husband (Ted’s father) was a Jehovah’s Witness and Mommy goes to “a nice church” (her words) in Brooklyn. Now depending on what side of the coin you’re on, their prayers have finally worked or their religion is what’s pushed Ted away. All due respect to religions and spiritual beliefs but here’s the thing about redemption and miracles, they need cooperation. Ted needs some life skills to deal with where he’s been, what he’s lived and what he BELIEVES about it all in order to successfully navigate where he’s going.
Opportunity is Doomed without Transformation
While many are throwing money at him right now, along with that he needs refining because the moment he embarrasses one of his sponsors, the rug will be pulled and he’ll become the man who was given such tremendous opportunities, but blew it!
What Ted Williams needs is time and space to grow, along with the opportunities. He needs teachers who’ll be friends, too – who will treat him tenderly yet firmly as he develops confidence, discipline, focus and patience. Because voiceover work is about more than speaking; it’s often a game of hurry up, wait and do overs. He’ll need permission to miss it while trying to make it in daily interactions because in the media business, interpersonal and social skills are imperative. He needs to know that it’s okay to be afraid, but not to the point of impeding progress. And he shouldn’t be expected to be an All Star overnight, rather he must be given space to learn – NEXT Decision BETTER, Ted!
Inner City Athletes-Rappers Success Syndrome (ICARSS)
Yeah, I made that up. But the way inner-city kids/young adults who aren’t used to having money and fame screw up opportunities by continuing to operate in all that they know – without any new skills to deal with their new lives – is what we can expect from Ted Williams without a transformation support system. This would include drug counseling and support in recovery, family and relationship therapy, life-skills development, etc., to help in his many transitions.
The list of examples of ICARSS is CRAZY: Lil Wayne, Mike Tyson, Lil Kim, Michael Vick, T.I., Ray Lewis, Mystikal, Ricky Williams, RemyMa, Lawrence Taylor, GucciMane, Michael Irvin, C-Murder, Ray Carruth, Foxy Brown. And the list of self destructive behaviors and collateral damage goes on and on, from jail to broke and every kind of trouble in between, until they learned to effectively live their new lives and acclimate to changing environments.
No, Ted Williams is not a kid – he’s well into his 50s – proof that age has nothing to do with effective living. Everyone has the capacity to learn, as proven by most of the ICARRS examples I just mentioned, but what he needs to learn in order to be considered a success will happen over time, not over night and he WILL have some hiccups and setbacks – many of which are already being set up.
He’s never had an apartment, yet they’ve offered him a house…Set up!
He’s not paid bills yet they’re trusting him to be financially responsible…Set up!
According to him, he hadn’t spoken with his mother in a decade nor seen her in two decades, yet they put them on national television for a “reunion” exposing their vulnerabilities and the dysfunctionality of their relationship…Set up!
He’s not had a relationship with his children, lived on the streets for 20 years, begged to eat, became a repeat felon to support an alcohol and drug addiction and now he’s got thousands of dollars in income being offered, without any new skills to deal with any of it…HUGE Set UP!
I want the best for Ted Williams and I hope that those offering him all these wonderful opportunities will collectively commit to him as a project because he’ll need mental and emotional stability – tools to be responsible to and for self and accountable to those paying him. At this point, he’s not even remotely able to handle the pressure of suddenly being depended upon, to be fiscally prudent or to be a real success story.
Praying and hoping for the best is not the same as properly assessing what is and effectively plotting a course that ensures success.
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE is it acceptable to let your teenager’s girlfriends or boyfriends visit UNSUPERVISED and certainly to NEVER, EVER spend the night.
Grown Zone™ 