Parents Protect, Prepare and Some Pimp

teen sexUnder NO CIRCUMSTANCE is it acceptable to let your teenager’s girlfriends or boyfriends visit UNSUPERVISED and certainly to NEVER, EVER spend the night.

Hormones are active. It’s a FACT and it’s NORMAL but they are NOT READY for the ripple effects of having sex. They might still figure out how to get some if they want it but if you’re not PROTECTING your children, you’re NOT PARENTING them! Don’t make it easy for them.teen pregnancy

And Mothers (more than fathers but sometimes they do too): you have to STOP coercing your daughter’s love interests with money, lodging & treating them as your own to keep him with her. That’s not parenting, it’s PIMPING and that’s FAR FROM GROWN. #LiveInTheGrownZone

When YOU live in the Grown Zone, your children will grow up in your shadows and make grown decisions too – even if it takes them a while you will have provided reference points for them when they get in trouble. THAT’S YOUR JOB!

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My Daddy Is A Fatherless Son But Not His Father’s Choices

Daddy In The 70's

Daddy In The ’70s

My father only had one directive for all of us – do better than I have. But let me tell you, even with only an 8th grade education and his being an abandoned child from the racially segregated deep south of rural Louisiana, those are some big shoes to fill.

Abandoned 3 Year Old Boy

As my father tells the story of the day his mother left him with his father, you can still hear the pain. He was crying and begging her to take him with her. Holding his baby sister on her hip and pushing him back into the screen door repeatedly she said, “You have to stay. I can’t take both of you.” She moved out of state.

My grandfather was far more interested in womanizing than he was parenting. Daddy was often left by his father to fend for himself, or with women who mistreated him. He knows what it is to be hungry, forgotten, alone, and to be unloved. His father has never, in his entire life, given him anything, not one dollar. And although Daddy forgave him (not that his father asked for it) and took care of him up to his death at age 97, he still never got his attention, affection, nor approval.

Daddy decided early that he would not be to his children what his father had been to him. He decided that he didn’t have to live out his father’s choices.

Self Reliance Was Expected

My father was ultimately raised by an uncle and his wife (who couldn’t have children). They believed and taught my father that educated or not, a man  was to use what he had and be innovative about how to multiply and make the most of it. All of the men on that side of the family worked and provided for their families well. Never dependent on others, all practiced self-reliance.

My father is no different. Daddy has always worked hard and smart! He’s a military veteran – a Navy man – and naturally curious, with a photographic memory. As a result, he’s been a student of life and made the most of every place he docked and lived all around the world. A reader and a history buff, he loves the Discovery Channels, so when you experience him – especially upon learning all he’s accomplished – you’d never know that his formal education ended at the age of 12.

He knew that he had to earn and has always been more focused on what he could do then on what he couldn’t do. And he has never – even in the segregated south of the 1950s and ’60s – concerned himself about who could stop him.

His uncles taught him that a man is defined by how well he provides for his wife and children.

Side Note: Daddy was (and in many ways still is) an excellent provider to his children. And on top of that he’s never missed a game, recital, award ceremony, graduation or any of my surgeries. When I was in need he showed up!

How He Did It With Little Education

As a young man he bussed tables while going to barber school. He met and married my mother during that time. As a young barber, he rented a building which had an apartment attached; it became his barbershop. He rented chairs to other barbers, rented the apartment and used a back room as a TV repair shop, for which he became a certified technician. He started a pest control service and had a truck hauling service. That’s just the beginning of the legitimate businesses (hustles) he’s had that eventually earned enough to buy the building he worked in; the first of many real estate properties which enabled him to provide for his family and many others in the community.

The Best vs. Your Best

Daddy ingrained this in me: You don’t have to be the best, but you do need to always do your best. My father is not a perfect man, nor was he the perfect parent – no parent is. But he was perfect for me.

In my adult life, one of the things that I’ve learned to appreciate most about my Dad is that he has lived unapologetically! He knows he’s not perfect – has never professed to be – nor is he striving for perfection. His goal is to always be better than he’s been. I love that! And I’ve lived it.

Though he started with so few resources and so little support from his parents, he didn’t let that define him; instead he decided to do the best he could. While he knew that he might not ever be the best, he always gave his best. And even when he failed miserably, his best was always sufficient for him.

I’ve  learned as much from his flaws as I have his successes. When I’ve done my best, even if it’s not enough for others, it’s always enough for me. In those times, I’m unapologetic for my decisions and certainly for me – who I am – because I’m always enough for me. My goal is always the same, to be a better me.

Thank you Daddy for being a constant example of courage and commitment. I love you, Sam Green, Sr.

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Stop Letting Your Penises Drive; They Are Ruining Society

Men, following their heart” A (penis-led) man will tell you anything if he thinks you’ll let him hit it, and any hole will do as long as it’s wet and warm.”–Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

Men: Just because she’s willing to let you hit it, doesn’t mean you should. What seems like “free love” in a moment can wreak mental and emotional havoc on her for years to come. A woman who lays freely is typically in need of things those who lay with her are incapable of supplying.

Stop Letting Your Penis Drive

As part of his public service, mentorship and personal growth efforts, Alfred Edmond Jr. posts, on both his personal and our Grown Zone social media platforms, using the hashtag #AGrownManKnows (book pending). One of his most retweeted and favorited tweets is:

#AGrownManKnows: A king is never ruled by his appetites; a slave, always.

When you allow your penis to drive, you will indeed find sexual satisfaction, but it will ultimately be to the detriment of women, children and society as a whole–including you.

“Ain’t no such thing as free PooNannie; somebody’s paying a price for it, and when you calculate those costs, no nut is ever worth it.” — Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

Here’s the thing about the price of screwing already wounded women: They haven’t yet figured out the underlying reasons for why they lay. And by the time they do, if ever, their issues have compounded, often resulting in fatherless sons and daughters.

Man, I’m asking you to do better than that. Live a more meaningful life than your next screw. Whatever you practice the most is what’s most on your mind. Being sexually satisfied is at the core of yearning. You can take care of that yourself.

When you seek out women to serve that purpose, you train yourself to objectify and womanize, creating a pattern of behaviors that will be extremely difficult to change later, when you desire a mutually exclusive, trusting, loving relationship. The habits of objectifying and womanizing are not switches you can just turn off; they become part of who you are, and that kind of living hurts people and negatively impacts society.

Start practicing now. Honor every woman, even the ones who haven’t yet learned to honor themselves. If you’ll start there, just do your part and encourage the men in your circle to do the same, you’ll make a dent in the quality of lives in your own circle.

When you honor women, you’re honoring yourself.

You’re either penis-led or a grown man. The refusal to be penis-led and sex-driven in our society takes courage. You’re not a man because you can always find somebody to screw. Any penis-led fool can do that. Now CourageUP! ManUP! #NextDecisionBetter #LiveInTheGrownZone

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To Mothers of Fatherless Sons And Daughters

WARNING: I am not tap dancing around this subject because women have to start devoting real planning and forethought–and set real standards–when choosing their children’s fathers, if there’s going to be a dent in the number of fatherless sons and daughters.

I am not blaming women, but I am clear and unequivocal in my message to women: Your PooNannie is Your Responsibility.

It’s rare that a man who commits to a relationship, marries a woman and then has children with her, will suddenly leave and act as if the children do not exist. It’s not rare for a man to leave his wife, but to drop from his children’s lives completely – that’s rare. So there are different categories of Single Mothers; all don’t have fatherless sons and daughters.

Free Love: Slave To Your Passions

FatherlessWith few exceptions, unplanned pregnancies are the result of two people, usually adults exercising their right to have sex with no concern for ripple effects.

They have the adult right to sex whomever they want, whenever they want, however they want, and may even reproduce, without reason, explanation, nor commitment. However, that kind of screwing is irresponsible and it’s certainly not grown decision-making.

Friends with Benefits

Here’s the problem with this: Women are putting more emphasis on the “friend” and penis-led men are putting more emphasis on the “benefits.” The reason penis-led men don’t support their children is because they didn’t screw with the consideration, and certainly not with the intent, of parenting in mind.

Men are penis-led by nature. When the average man engages in sexual activity, he’s not thinking beyond his immediate gratification. And Momma, although they wanted you when you were making the baby, many of them resent you for having the baby.

Lady, you may not have thought beyond the act either, but you are the one whose life is altered; you are the one most likely to be left with the responsibility of a little person – a lifetime commitment.

The time to realize that a man “ain’t shit” is before he’s your baby’s daddy.

Don’t Be Quick To Lay!

Know who you’re sharing yourself with. Make sure he’s emotionally equipped and prepared to co-parent with you for the long haul, even if the two of you don’t work out. Here’s a hint: If he is not actively parenting the children he’s already sired, it is extremely unlikely that he will make an exception for any child he could potentially sire with you. Any post-pubescent male can sire a child; grown men ready, willing and able to actually father one are far less common.

Your decisions always have ripple effects. Most pregnancies aren’t planned, yet most relationships don’t last. You have to get better qualifiers for choosing who you’ll allow in your life, to sex, and to procreate with.

A man who doesn’t take the time to get to know you, but is willing and eager to sex you, is only thinking about the nut he’s about to bust in you, not the rest of you and certainly not the child he could be producing in that moment.

RAISE THE BAR!

So, maybe your baby’s daddy “ain’t shit.” Then you need to get serious about doing a better job of vetting who you lay with! UP your criteria! RAISE THE DAMN BAR! No, you didn’t make the baby by yourself, but it’s YOUR PooNannie, so it’s YOUR responsibility and in the end, for better or worse, YOUR baby, even though he helped you to produce it.

Growth is a choice; choose it now – Next Decision Better!

And until you figure it out, NO POONANNIE FOR DEADBEATS! That’s the immediate way you start to reduce the numbers of fatherless sons and daughters!

*Footnote* Not all men are penis-led. #LiveInTheGrownZone

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No PooNannie For Deadbeats

That's Messed Up!

That’s Messed Up!

You’ve got to become more discriminate about who gets access to your goods. STOP REWARDING DEADBEATS!

A man who does not support his kids has already shown you who he is.

A woman once made the argument in a salon-type setting, “If you’ve got a half decent man you should be happy.” Astonished by women’s agreement I replied, “Not unless you’re only half decent!” **crickets**

Here’s the really unfortunate part: deadbeats continue to have babies because women support them – THE DEADBEATS!

“You don’t get what you deserve you get what you accept!”

-Grown Zone

A woman who allows an only half decent man (and for many of them “half decent” is a compliment) access to her heart, home, money and/or PooNannie does not properly value herself. It’s a ugly cycle that women – the birthers and nurturers – can and must break. Ladies, Your PooNannie is YOUR responsibility!

Any man who doesn’t support his children will not take care of yours…that includes the ones you would have for him. YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION! In fact, if you valued yourself properly, a man who doesn’t support his children shouldn’t get a seat at your table – CERTAINLY NOT A KEY TO YOUR POONANNIE!

If you don’t have a criteria for who gains entry, start with this!

#NoPooNannieForDeadbeats

#NoPooNannieForDeadbeats

It’s time to #RaiseTheBar ladies for yourselves and who you choose as your mates for the sake of your children and our future. It’s time to #LiveInTheGrownZone! Ladies, if you want better from a man then you must change your qualifiers.

I think the Grown Zone might just have to add #NoPooNannieForDeadbeats to our “movement” efforts! 😉

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Happy Father’s Day! Mothers: Stop Trying To Be Both, Mother and Father

Mothers can not be Fathers too! Here are 4 things that you as a mother must do in order to be the best mother, especially to your sons.

Here we grow…Grown IS Sexy! ;-)

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All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

PooNannie Lessons From The Barbershop, Introduction Part 1

I learned early growing up in my daddy’s barbershop that my PooNannie is my responsibility!

Everybody gets to choose what kind of parent they will be and we each have lived unique experiences because of our parent’s choices…none are any better than the other, they are all just different. But our experiences have a lot to do with who we are, including the decisions we make as it relates to sex. This video describes the foundation of my journey.

Now, I am not in any way saying that my father’s “way” is the only way, but I am saying that as a parent, you need to figure out how to communicate this message across to your children!

Here we grow…Grown IS Sexy! ;-)

If you enjoyed this, please share it with your Social Media friends.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony