Sex Gets Too Much Credit As Basis For Loving Relationships

Everybody, not only wants love, but needs it. There are times throughout life when you may be more focused on school, career, parenting or your own personal growth – all great reasons to not be boo’d up –  but there will come a time when you’ll want a consistent romantic relationship; somebody to share your life with.

Sex and loveBut too often, women who desire somebody to love them all life long are settling for those who only want to love them all night long. And make no mistake, loving you all night long multiple nights is not the fast track to being loved all life-long.

Men are not exempt! They too get caught up in one-sided relationships based on sexual compatibility and later realize that he’s given far more than he’s gotten because they are not compatible in areas that actually keep couples together (NO, it ain’t sex!). Only then, he’s in deep (money, property, children) all because the sex was good; he didn’t get to know her before committing to her.

Nobody should EVER accept #f-ed up, unloving choices and/or treatment as part of “being in love.” Because in these cases love has nothing to do with it. It never does.

Ladies and gentlemen: don’t confuse sexual availability with a long-term desire FOR you and certainly not a commitment TO you. And don’t confuse one’s willingness to allow you to financially rescue them (sponsor/benefactor/pay a bill/buy a purse/trips/…) as love for YOU!

You are invited to ENTER and LIVE in the Grown Zone where we help folks to make their Next Decision Better.

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Stop Letting Your Penises Drive; They Are Ruining Society

Men, following their heart” A (penis-led) man will tell you anything if he thinks you’ll let him hit it, and any hole will do as long as it’s wet and warm.”–Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

Men: Just because she’s willing to let you hit it, doesn’t mean you should. What seems like “free love” in a moment can wreak mental and emotional havoc on her for years to come. A woman who lays freely is typically in need of things those who lay with her are incapable of supplying.

Stop Letting Your Penis Drive

As part of his public service, mentorship and personal growth efforts, Alfred Edmond Jr. posts, on both his personal and our Grown Zone social media platforms, using the hashtag #AGrownManKnows (book pending). One of his most retweeted and favorited tweets is:

#AGrownManKnows: A king is never ruled by his appetites; a slave, always.

When you allow your penis to drive, you will indeed find sexual satisfaction, but it will ultimately be to the detriment of women, children and society as a whole–including you.

“Ain’t no such thing as free PooNannie; somebody’s paying a price for it, and when you calculate those costs, no nut is ever worth it.” — Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

Here’s the thing about the price of screwing already wounded women: They haven’t yet figured out the underlying reasons for why they lay. And by the time they do, if ever, their issues have compounded, often resulting in fatherless sons and daughters.

Man, I’m asking you to do better than that. Live a more meaningful life than your next screw. Whatever you practice the most is what’s most on your mind. Being sexually satisfied is at the core of yearning. You can take care of that yourself.

When you seek out women to serve that purpose, you train yourself to objectify and womanize, creating a pattern of behaviors that will be extremely difficult to change later, when you desire a mutually exclusive, trusting, loving relationship. The habits of objectifying and womanizing are not switches you can just turn off; they become part of who you are, and that kind of living hurts people and negatively impacts society.

Start practicing now. Honor every woman, even the ones who haven’t yet learned to honor themselves. If you’ll start there, just do your part and encourage the men in your circle to do the same, you’ll make a dent in the quality of lives in your own circle.

When you honor women, you’re honoring yourself.

You’re either penis-led or a grown man. The refusal to be penis-led and sex-driven in our society takes courage. You’re not a man because you can always find somebody to screw. Any penis-led fool can do that. Now CourageUP! ManUP! #NextDecisionBetter #LiveInTheGrownZone

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If It’s Real It’s Worth Waiting For

Do you know a drug addict – someone hooked on cocaine, meth, heroin? If you’ve known anybody addicted to any of these mind altering drugs then you know that the longer they’re addicted the more brash they get about getting it. From the first hit, all they know is that nothing has ever made them feel like that before and they look forward to the next hit. After a few hits, they begin to get single focused and soon nothing else matters. They want to live in that state of euphoria.

A Gift to Yourself

You may not have ever had a hit of cocaine, meth, or heroin, but if you’ve ever been in love you know that state of euphoria. Your first love interest took you somewhere you’d never been before and you liked it, a lot! For most, you long for it. For others, you want it bad but the pain of having loved and lost hurt so much you’re afraid to be that vulnerable again.

Many people make lifetime decisions in those moments of euphoria because they feel good, but it is not wise to be governed by them.

Intentional Personal Development

Just as you learn other skills, you’ve got to learn how and why you love. What kind of lover are you and what kind do you attract? Is that the kind you want, really? You’ve got to learn to strike balances in what you give and what you get, and it is your responsibility to do so. You deserve love, and you must be responsible for how you acquire it.

The cocaine, meth, and heroin addict is chasing a feeling that cannot be sustained. In the same way, those who fall in love are chasing a fantasy that cannot be sustained. Romantic love is not sustainable and until you’ve done the work of effectively understanding your individual lives and vigilantly co-mingling them your love is not real. It’s a fantasy that has not been tried so it can’t be true.

Sure, you can meet somebody and just on chemistry fall in love, and sex will intensify the attraction. But here’s the inevitable problem with that: that state of euphoria blinds you from seeing incompatibility and by the time you recognize it, if at all (since the relationship was built on emotions), it’s hard to then, objectively judge who’s before you; to see how they actually align with the desires you have for a relationship.

Know What You Want

Unless you know what you want in a relationship, how you want to be treated and what characteristics a suitor has to have in order to be considered compatible, you’ve not done your due diligence and can easily be blinded by chemistry and really confused after sex.

Bottom Line: If s/he’s “all that”, they’ll be that and then some after you’ve done your due-diligence. There are no short-cuts. Stop trying to rush love. True love unfolds, so let it percolate. Time is your friend.

Here we grow…Grown IS Sexy! 😉 Next Decision Better!

Share your knowledge…what was his (pseudo) name and what have you learned? your story could help shorten the learning curve of another, so testify! 🙂

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All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

Human Needs Made Simple – Lesson 1: Sex Is About Release, Not Contact

On 01/01/10 I made this post on the Grown IS Sexy! fan page, Facebook:

“It’s a new year, but you don’t feel any different because nothing’s really changed in your life even though you may have made resolutions and want to do things differently. There’s only 1 commitment that will bring sustainable change, the way it’s supposed to come – gradually, through conditioning: NEXT Decision…BETTER than your LAST ;-)”

*While I don’t buy into traditional psychology practices (yes, I have a psychology degree – it’s just like me to go against the grain), I do accept Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Peep it out in the pyramid graph below, and don’t get stuck on what you don’t understand, instead get “L.E.G. UP” focused.

Right now you should be in learning mode. Look at the 1st/lowest level of human needs, the bottom (yellow) – foundational level, Physiology…I’ll explain all of ‘em. I’ve got a knack for Making Psychology Simple :-), so come on…

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs

We’ll hit ‘em all, eventually but for now let’s look at every person’s PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS:

·        AIR/FOOD/WATER: Without them, you will die.

·        SLEEP: Inactivity of mind and body for a period of time, a rejuvenation of your whole system.

·        SEX: It’s about release, not necessarily through human contact.

·        HOMEOSTASIS: It’s about peace of mind.

·        EXCRETION: Discharging waste; sweat, pee, poo…get it?

These are foundational basic human needs.

None of these need expounding, but there’s one I feel the need to highlight because of the varied reasons people have sex: using it as currency, filling voids of loneliness, baiting for coercion…the list is exhausting.

Now that you’ve got the foundational/physiological basics, skim through the rest of the pyramid with the physiological basics in mind and notice how they interconnect for you.  These are going to be different for every person.

Why? Because every person has their own way of acting and reacting to life’s circumstances. You’ve heard the nature vs. environment argument, haven’t you?

Whether you have or not, here’s what I propose for the sake of YOUR OWN “homeostasis”: listen to this FREE 14min entertaining audio, “What is Your Priority?” that simply and effectively distinguish what’s natural for every individual, and then you can start to understand how you’re conditioned through your environment to believe, and do the things you currently believe and do.

You’ve got to know where you are and how you got there in order to prepare for beneficial, sustainable changes in your life.

What I’m providing you with are the tools to intelligently, and individually build the courage that will enable you to, make your NEXT Decision…BETTER than your LAST 😉

*I do believe that you have to face issues head-on in order to work through them, so I believe in counseling…Go Talk to Somebody if you’re stuck on an experience or challenge in your life. I do NOT believe in practices that justify where you and provide means that encourage you to stay there and/or not give you the mental and emotional tools to grow beyond experiences/challenges.

Doing IT Better with ZARA! NEXT Decision…BETTER than your LAST !

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