My Daddy Is A Fatherless Son But Not His Father’s Choices

Daddy In The 70's

Daddy In The ’70s

My father only had one directive for all of us – do better than I have. But let me tell you, even with only an 8th grade education and his being an abandoned child from the racially segregated deep south of rural Louisiana, those are some big shoes to fill.

Abandoned 3 Year Old Boy

As my father tells the story of the day his mother left him with his father, you can still hear the pain. He was crying and begging her to take him with her. Holding his baby sister on her hip and pushing him back into the screen door repeatedly she said, “You have to stay. I can’t take both of you.” She moved out of state.

My grandfather was far more interested in womanizing than he was parenting. Daddy was often left by his father to fend for himself, or with women who mistreated him. He knows what it is to be hungry, forgotten, alone, and to be unloved. His father has never, in his entire life, given him anything, not one dollar. And although Daddy forgave him (not that his father asked for it) and took care of him up to his death at age 97, he still never got his attention, affection, nor approval.

Daddy decided early that he would not be to his children what his father had been to him. He decided that he didn’t have to live out his father’s choices.

Self Reliance Was Expected

My father was ultimately raised by an uncle and his wife (who couldn’t have children). They believed and taught my father that educated or not, a man  was to use what he had and be innovative about how to multiply and make the most of it. All of the men on that side of the family worked and provided for their families well. Never dependent on others, all practiced self-reliance.

My father is no different. Daddy has always worked hard and smart! He’s a military veteran – a Navy man – and naturally curious, with a photographic memory. As a result, he’s been a student of life and made the most of every place he docked and lived all around the world. A reader and a history buff, he loves the Discovery Channels, so when you experience him – especially upon learning all he’s accomplished – you’d never know that his formal education ended at the age of 12.

He knew that he had to earn and has always been more focused on what he could do then on what he couldn’t do. And he has never – even in the segregated south of the 1950s and ’60s – concerned himself about who could stop him.

His uncles taught him that a man is defined by how well he provides for his wife and children.

Side Note: Daddy was (and in many ways still is) an excellent provider to his children. And on top of that he’s never missed a game, recital, award ceremony, graduation or any of my surgeries. When I was in need he showed up!

How He Did It With Little Education

As a young man he bussed tables while going to barber school. He met and married my mother during that time. As a young barber, he rented a building which had an apartment attached; it became his barbershop. He rented chairs to other barbers, rented the apartment and used a back room as a TV repair shop, for which he became a certified technician. He started a pest control service and had a truck hauling service. That’s just the beginning of the legitimate businesses (hustles) he’s had that eventually earned enough to buy the building he worked in; the first of many real estate properties which enabled him to provide for his family and many others in the community.

The Best vs. Your Best

Daddy ingrained this in me: You don’t have to be the best, but you do need to always do your best. My father is not a perfect man, nor was he the perfect parent – no parent is. But he was perfect for me.

In my adult life, one of the things that I’ve learned to appreciate most about my Dad is that he has lived unapologetically! He knows he’s not perfect – has never professed to be – nor is he striving for perfection. His goal is to always be better than he’s been. I love that! And I’ve lived it.

Though he started with so few resources and so little support from his parents, he didn’t let that define him; instead he decided to do the best he could. While he knew that he might not ever be the best, he always gave his best. And even when he failed miserably, his best was always sufficient for him.

I’ve  learned as much from his flaws as I have his successes. When I’ve done my best, even if it’s not enough for others, it’s always enough for me. In those times, I’m unapologetic for my decisions and certainly for me – who I am – because I’m always enough for me. My goal is always the same, to be a better me.

Thank you Daddy for being a constant example of courage and commitment. I love you, Sam Green, Sr.

For a daily dose of Grown, Join us in The Grown Zone!

Connect with us on these platforms:

Twitter: @GrownZone

Facebook: /GrownZone

Blog Talk Radio: /GrownZone

Instagram: @GrownZone

Google+: +GrownZone

Advertisements

Stop Letting Your Penises Drive; They Are Ruining Society

Men, following their heart” A (penis-led) man will tell you anything if he thinks you’ll let him hit it, and any hole will do as long as it’s wet and warm.”–Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

Men: Just because she’s willing to let you hit it, doesn’t mean you should. What seems like “free love” in a moment can wreak mental and emotional havoc on her for years to come. A woman who lays freely is typically in need of things those who lay with her are incapable of supplying.

Stop Letting Your Penis Drive

As part of his public service, mentorship and personal growth efforts, Alfred Edmond Jr. posts, on both his personal and our Grown Zone social media platforms, using the hashtag #AGrownManKnows (book pending). One of his most retweeted and favorited tweets is:

#AGrownManKnows: A king is never ruled by his appetites; a slave, always.

When you allow your penis to drive, you will indeed find sexual satisfaction, but it will ultimately be to the detriment of women, children and society as a whole–including you.

“Ain’t no such thing as free PooNannie; somebody’s paying a price for it, and when you calculate those costs, no nut is ever worth it.” — Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

Here’s the thing about the price of screwing already wounded women: They haven’t yet figured out the underlying reasons for why they lay. And by the time they do, if ever, their issues have compounded, often resulting in fatherless sons and daughters.

Man, I’m asking you to do better than that. Live a more meaningful life than your next screw. Whatever you practice the most is what’s most on your mind. Being sexually satisfied is at the core of yearning. You can take care of that yourself.

When you seek out women to serve that purpose, you train yourself to objectify and womanize, creating a pattern of behaviors that will be extremely difficult to change later, when you desire a mutually exclusive, trusting, loving relationship. The habits of objectifying and womanizing are not switches you can just turn off; they become part of who you are, and that kind of living hurts people and negatively impacts society.

Start practicing now. Honor every woman, even the ones who haven’t yet learned to honor themselves. If you’ll start there, just do your part and encourage the men in your circle to do the same, you’ll make a dent in the quality of lives in your own circle.

When you honor women, you’re honoring yourself.

You’re either penis-led or a grown man. The refusal to be penis-led and sex-driven in our society takes courage. You’re not a man because you can always find somebody to screw. Any penis-led fool can do that. Now CourageUP! ManUP! #NextDecisionBetter #LiveInTheGrownZone

For a daily dose of Grown, Join us in The Grown Zone!

Connect with us on these platforms:

Twitter: @GrownZone

Facebook: /GrownZone

Blog Talk Radio: /GrownZone

Instagram: @GrownZone

Google+: +GrownZone

“If a man is la…

“If a man is labeled a whore in some circles of our society (right or not) it’s a badge of honor, but for a woman it’s a black eye that may be covered, but rarely heals.” –Sam Green, Jr.

Just one of the many lessons from Daddy’s barbershop.

Is it really a badge of honor for a man? Not for a woman who wouldn’t have a male whore; he is just a whore. Do what you like, but reputations still precede you.

My Father Invaded My Privacy

“I’ve never told any of y’all this but I recorded every conversation y’all had.” He went on to say, “You are my children, this is my house, you were using my phone and it was my responsibility to know what you were doing and to protect you, “ he said and then he fell out laughing.

I just hung up the phone with Daddy – he’d held that all this time. He said, “What’s it been now Baby, over 20 years since you moved out? I figure I’d go ahead and tell you now,” as he cracks himself up laughing!

What was I doing as he shared this? I was laughing hysterically with him. Why? Because that is who my Daddy is and, while I didn’t know he was doing it, I’m not, at all surprised.

Parents, please DON'T!

I’m always troubled, okay let me just tell the truth, PERTURBED by what I call “loosey-goosey ass parenting” – more concerned with being a child’s friend than their parent. As a parent there should be times when your child doesn’t like you, at all! Times when they want something really badly, but don’t have the wisdom to know how it won’t be to their advantage because they’re not developed enough to understand, but you;  and when you refuse to bend because you care more about protecting them than being disliked (for a period of time) by them.

We repeatedly heard, “I don’t give a damn how you feel about what I’ve told you to do, just do it!” Daddy didn’t bite his tongue, and every threat he ever made he followed through on. We were very clear about where “the line” was with Daddy and we wouldn’t dare cross it!

Was it fear? YEP! A very healthy fear. Fear based on respect for the man who worked very hard to provide more than we needed, but never all that we wanted – balance is so key!

He never told any of us he loved us (while we were young) and we never doubted that he did because love is an action word. One that is not always about what you do for your children. It is also about what you won’t permit and allowing them to do.

Too many parents want to be the “cool parent” and they fail to discipline and establish/reinforce rules. Children will have a lifetime to develop friendships, but only a sliver of time to be parented and that’s sliver prepares them for a lifetime!

Every one of us has rules to follow in life, so should your children. And they should understand that, early!

Respect wasn’t something my parents had to ask for, and we were more reverent of them than we were afraid. When a child doesn’t learn to revere at home, they’ll not just grant that honor on anybody when they leave your house.  A child know their loved when there’s boundaries, rules and discipline and when they get into the real world and see that the home prepared them to respect boundaries, follow rules and has given them the tools to then discipline themselves that’s when the appreciation kicks in.

No they don’t like it when it happens, but they love you more when they have points of reference later in life and that’s what parents are supposed to provide!

Daddy was always a step ahead of me and my siblings. Along with having the village who was quick to tell on us (even whip our tails if we really deserved it) he also had the recorded conversations which he kept downstairs in their bedroom out of clear view (and we wouldn’t DARE go through their things). So when we asked to go somewhere and told a story about where we were going and with whom, our recorded conversations would confirm our truth or reveal our lying asses and Daddy would permit us or deny us based on them.

No, he wasn’t invading my privacy. He was protecting me from my own stupidity and I love him all the more for that! He used the latest technologies to keep us safe. Parents today have far more tools available to them and I think they should use them…all of them!

Who knows how much of my youthful stupidity he protected me from? All I know is that his answer was “no” a lot more than it was “yes”, and he established with us early that “No” was a complete sentence.

So thank you, Daddy for using whatever means necessary to invade my privacy! Maybe if more parents would, they’d have less surprises about what their children are REALLY doing and can better guide them, and protect the rest of us.

Tell me what you think…do you think your underage children should have privacy – something in their lives that you should not know about?

If you enjoyed this, please share it with your Social Media friends.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

It Is Not Just Plagiarism It’s My Life

Absolute Disbelief
This TRICK set up a Facebook page that mirrored mine. No really, she copied and pasted my posts as her original material, stole my blog posts and turned them into “notes” tagging friends and celebrities, and even hinted that soon there will be a book, “Pocketbook Principles” from my “PooNannie Principles,” lessons from my Daddy.

Here are a couple of examples how she modified my posts:
On this one she removed “-Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy” entirely. No credit to him, at all for his quotes.

This was a post with comments on the Grown IS Sexy! page that she turned into a note, tagging people.

She’s copied some of my blogs too, including my Divorce Is Not An Option blog and creating a note.

As I scrolled her page, my “NEXT Decision BETTER” became her “Next and Better Decision”. My Daddy’s quotes, “Sam Green, Sr.” became just “S G, Sr.” and my “Lessons from the Barbershop” became her “Lessons from the Shop”. My “We’re Growin’ UP” became her “We’re Goin’ Up” and my “Grown IS Sexy” became her “Grown and Sassy”. She made these changes but EVERYTHING ELSE remained as I originally posted them.

Here are some examples of how she’s done that:

Here are some single posts dating back to May 2010 that she copied and pasted:

There are SO MANY of my single posts that she turned to notes.

I created the Grown IS Sexy! “fan” page on Facebook and everyday for the past 2 years I post and engage discussions on self development for self leadership integrating many terms I’ve created from seminars and workshops over the years that have taken on a life of their own. And I freely share my experiences and life lessons.

Flattered My Ass, I Am PISSED!

Me and Daddy

Some of you know the relationship that I have with my father.  At 44, I am still Daddy’s little girl.  Along with many other things, my father taught me everything I needed to know about sex much of which I learned growing up in his barbershop.  I hold those lessons very near and dear.  So, for this TRICK to claim my experiences as her own, even my Daddy as hers, PISSES me off!

I am not flattered that she wants to be me or that she is claiming my work.  My daily interaction with those on my fan page is, kind of, my ministry.  I love sharing digestible nuggets that help others “Courage UP” and make better decisions. And we have some powerful discussions on the Grown IS Sexy! page and now, frankly, I feel violated.
She has gone as far as extracting from the comment sections where I’ve clarified a post all the more or responded to people’s personal experiences to extract each of my comments and create “notes” on her Facebook “fan” page, which are the equivalent to a blog – all my words, verbatim.

I have myself on Google Alert (which I highly recommend), so whenever anybody posts, mention or repost my work I get an automatic alert and I periodically Google my terms. I started using “Sam Green-ism” and so I Googled it and found that she had been copying and pasting my work for over a year. I went back to July 2010 and was exhausted so I stopped.

We’re All Born With Talent

You've Got Talent

Well, not exactly! We are all born with natural propensities – a natural lean toward certain abilities.  And it is every individual’s task to identify what those are (the easy part because they show up even if you’re not looking for them) and then to hone those skills which unveil our talents. It is then our job to develop those talents over time.

I’m very passionate about individuality, and so clear about the different traits and experiences that make us all different and valuable that I teach it; I’ve produced two audio books about it, Living in Harmony and Living by Design.  If this thief would spend her time honing her own natural abilities, she’d find the wealth of value within her and would feel absolutely foolish stealing my work.

There Are No Shortcuts
Those of us who have known levels of success know that the path to success is not a straight line and there are no shortcuts!

I was a traveling speaker and trainer, literally in a different city every day teaching professional development – communications, interpersonal, and leadership skills.  I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and since age 17, I’ve been fascinated with temperaments, so in every session I’ve ever taught I teach temperaments; show people their individual value. It was all on the road when I realized that I loved teaching personal growth; seeing people have light bulb moments.

Bottom Line: my path, my experiences, my natural abilities and honed talents make me the expert on the things that I teach, including PooNannie responsibility.

While I am pissed that she would try to claim my work as her own, even hinting at a book of MY “PooNannie Principles” only she’s calling it “Pocketbook Principles” she is not me.

Speaking of no shortcuts…HELL, do you know how long it took me to put “PooNannie” in writing?!?!

I’ve been known for talking about the “PooNannie” in sessions for years, but I was so afraid of being known as “The PooNannie Lady.”  People have been asking for my book, but I had to get comfortable with my ability to tastefully convey the messages AND, frankly, to be known as The PooNannie Lady before I would share them in such public forums.

The book is coming. I’ve been working on it and I’m not rushing it because of this. It’s my path, my experiences – it’s MY LIFE! I’m clear that nobody can tell, nor share my life better than I can. Nobody can steal that!

FYI…I have reported the page to Facebook but haven’t heard from them yet, but get this…just before posting this, another Facebook page surfaced with my posts called: Life After Separation and Divorce. From what I can tell it’s the same TRICK (it’s the nicest thing I can call her right now)!

There are literally more posts on her page that are mine than are not! I scrolled her page in absolute disbelief! She continues to delete my supporters comments but my content remains. You can see the page here.

Here’s to finding the wealth of value within you and developing the best, YOU! We’re Growin’ UP…Grown IS Sexy! 😉

UPDATE (October 21, 2010): Since I posted this blog, I’ve learned who she is and reached out to her. Many of my supporters after hearing about this covered her page, comment after comment, about infringing on my intellectual property. She’s so insistent on continuing that she is diligently removing all of their comments but not my content. Neither has she responded to me.

UPDATE: (October 22, 2010) Like many of you I’ve worked on my brand for years and this just does not sit well with me. As of yet, Facebook still hasn’t responded to my submission but we have self-policed and got her attention. But it doesn’t mean she’s repentant; she’s changed her settings so that we can no longer leave comments and as a result all of  our comments were automatically removed, but my content still remains.

From what I have gathered about her, she has several businesses…a hustler! All I know is that publishing MY CONTENT had better not be one of them. Again, many many thanks to those of you who have rallied with me on this.

If you had any kind of reaction to this post please tell me about it in the comment section below.

And, please share it with your Social Media friends. DO share your gifts, but beware. 😉

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

My Father, My World: When Healthy Ties Produce Unhealthy Bonds

It was a day that I’ll never forget.  Spring of 2002, a typical beautiful California day – with curtains pulled and windows up – the day that I declared, “If something were to happen to that man I would lose my mind”.

“He was my rock, my strength, my encourager, my number one constant, consistent, and unwavering cheerleader. He was the one, with whom, I could do no wrong. He loved things about me that others hated. Even in my failures  he found good.”  That’s the gist of my part of a conversation while sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of gourmet coffee with my, then, roommate.

Me and Daddy

Even today, I know that I am everything I am because he loved me.  The writer of Celine Dion’s song, Because You Loved Me (which is like an old hymnal for me – I cry with gratitude everytime I hear it),  must have channeled us because the song is totally exemplary of our relationship.

There’s only one man that has ever loved me this way, and that I’ve ever felt this way about and that’s, Sam Green, Sr., my Daddy.

I remember that day so well because everything within me cringed with the realization that my dependence on my father was not just unhealthy, but it was unfair…unfair to him and a setup for me to fail; to be devastated should/if/when something happens in his life that stops him from being everything he had been in my life.

My father is to be commended for his commitment to me. Daddy would do anything within his power to make life easier for me; to ease any pain and I love him for it.  I know who I am because of Daddy’s constant reminders to me.  He, not only, recognized my strengths – he reaffirmed them regularly by telling me and by guiding my thoughts and experiences so that they were real to me and he protected them; he directed and supported them.  I put him on a pedestal that no human being is capable of living up to; neither should they be expected to.

I realized that I’d made my Daddy responsible for making me feel good. I realized what an unfair burden I’d placed on him. I realized that it’s not fair to expect anybody, except me, to be responsible for making me feel good.

In that moment at the kitchen table, completely bothered by my discovery, I needed to understand how I, Ms. Independent, got to that place of enormous emotional dependence; I suddenly hungered for total self-reliance.

In every tough spot of life when I’d just take it to Daddy, I was assured his stroking and his approval. Daddy knew how to make me feel good.  Then I realized that as an adult with success in every area – but repeated interpersonal failures (understanding temperaments/personalities enough to teach it, but not live it) – that identifying and correcting the error of my ways was MY responsibility.  Daddy was just doing what he’d always done – made me feel good, but it was up to me to be my best me. I needed to grow up! Would I dare take the journey?

It was that beautiful California day, that I truly became a woman.  That decision led me to appreciate my father for the deposits he made in those formative years and for the support that he’d been my entire life.  I decided that I would no longer call Daddy to make me feel good about my issues.  Instead, I’d resort to the deposits he’d made within me: deposits of courage, resourcefulness, resilience, and persistence.   He’d always told me these reservoirs were at my disposal to understand and overcome everything in my life.  It was easier to turn to Daddy than to trust myself.

The process of owning, accepting, and embracing my weaknesses produced the ability to do for myself what nobody else could ever do.

Today, I still enjoy a very close relationship with my Daddy and I still call him about my issues, but now it’s with reports of how I’ve worked them out. Although, one of the hardest journeys I’ve ever taken, it has birthed enormous inner strength.

I realize that he will not be with me always, so I make every encounter count.  While I adore that old man, when it is his time I can let go with celebration in my heart.  I have a lifetime of wonderful memories with him and I’ll know that I have made the most of our time together. I will – no doubt – have my moments of missing him terribly, but I will continue to live my best life, hugely, in honor of his.

In order to help me to detach from what others think; to courage up and think independently enough to do my own thing Daddy would often tell me, “You came in this world alone, and you’ll leave alone.” I’ve often drawn from that deposit and have expanded its meaning: I came in this world for my own individual, unique journey – much of which I’m responsible for creating – and the state of mind and spirit that I take this journey (and exit from it with) is solely up to me.

Dare you take a parallel journey? We’re Growing UP…Grown IS Sexy! 😉

Do you have a similar experience? Leave a comment…I’m listening…

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony