Parents Protect, Prepare and Some Pimp

teen sexUnder NO CIRCUMSTANCE is it acceptable to let your teenager’s girlfriends or boyfriends visit UNSUPERVISED and certainly to NEVER, EVER spend the night.

Hormones are active. It’s a FACT and it’s NORMAL but they are NOT READY for the ripple effects of having sex. They might still figure out how to get some if they want it but if you’re not PROTECTING your children, you’re NOT PARENTING them! Don’t make it easy for them.teen pregnancy

And Mothers (more than fathers but sometimes they do too): you have to STOP coercing your daughter’s love interests with money, lodging & treating them as your own to keep him with her. That’s not parenting, it’s PIMPING and that’s FAR FROM GROWN. #LiveInTheGrownZone

When YOU live in the Grown Zone, your children will grow up in your shadows and make grown decisions too – even if it takes them a while you will have provided reference points for them when they get in trouble. THAT’S YOUR JOB!

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SEX and Your Children: What are YOU Doing?

If you’re over 35 you’re, likely, AS blown away as I am with teen sex today – not just that more of them are having sex (not all)  – regardless of how we feel about it I think most of us have come to grips with it as a fact, but I am so utterly shocked by the stories I hear about the frequency, with whom, and the scope of stuff their doing. For example: several years ago my niece (who was still in high school and a bit of a late bloomer) passed on going to a party and I asked why? She hesitated at first but then told me what kind of party is was – a Rainbow Party: where all the girls wear different colored lipstick, the boys line up and the girls take turns pleasuring them! I was SO BESIDE MYSELF!! I don’t think I slept a wink that night.

Message to the High School Ho
Remember the biggest Ho in your high school? Today she’d be considered a SAINT! If that was you, Honey, these kids have so OUT-HO’D you! I’m talking to degrees that are, again, mind blowing, so let it go, Girl! Next to them, you’ve got NOTHING to be ashamed of. Not only that, y’all know I’m from the school of – “we do what we know to do” and we all deserve room to grow even the kids today, so NEXT Decision BETTER.

Morals – Okay, Religion – NOT!

We can talk morals, which I believe people can have without religion (although many will argue that the lack of religion is why we have the lack of morals – I disagree), but since we’re not in a church I’d prefer it if, for this discussion, that we steer free from factoring in religious beliefs; which would only divide us and push us farther from solutions that we can all use.  Thank you, in advance!

Back to Our Teens
Are y’all talking WITH your children? “With” because it’s AS important for you to listen to what they are saying, to let them TEACH you about social acceptances in their world, hear their specific peer pressures and what they believe about all the information they get when they leave home and YES, what their sexual preferences are.

If you’re NOT talking WITH them about all of these things, then why are you not? If you are, what are you saying to them?  Moreover, what have you learned about them and their sexual perspectives – they’ve got them! I hear parents say, they’re waiting for their children to approach them because they don’t want to broach the subject too soon…tsk, tsk, tsk!

Straight, Gay, Bi, Pan (yep, that’s one now so keep up)
Y’all KNOW I’m all about living your truth, so if you’re gay LIVE IT, PROUDLY and you’ll find a lot of support to do just that! In fact, whatever you determine your truth to be, you’ll find support to live it – and I’m all about that! BUT, I believe young people are such sponges that they need wisdom to help shape their decisions…not to decide for them, but to be amongst what they consider as they are determining what their truth is. Yes, some of your children are gay and your traditional ideology will be challenged so you need to know how to effectively approach, embrace, and navigate life WITH THEM.

STD Rate Skyrocketing: Shit Pills Don’t Cure!
Y’all to put it plainly…when people in my generation were growing up we’d just go get a pill or a shot to cure the sexually transmitted diseases we contracted, (Oh, you didn’t…well welcome to the real world – some of us did and just because you didn’t, didn’t mean you weren’t doing the same things, you just didn’t get caught in this way. Don’t make me dig UNTIL I find some shit on you!) but now-a-days with the many strands of the same diseases it’s getting more difficult to cure them and there’s some shit that a pill just can’t cure and your children are contracting them at greater rates. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?!?!

HIV is the scariest, no doubt, although no longer necessarily a death sentence – herpes, which gets far less attention IS A LIFE SENTENCE; it’s rampant and shows up regularly and for many it is mental and emotional torment! For those infected, it doesn’t matter how it was contracted – it’s a regular reminder of sexual carelessness; their own, or worse, the ones they thought they could trust to tell the truth about their sexual activities and past, but did not! These kinds of challenges have proven too much for adults to handle, how much more tormenting for a child?

“Pleasure-Seeking” Promiscuity
From the stories I’m hearing the biggest issue is PROMISCUITY and its ripple effects. Y’all, THIS anything – anybody “pleasure-seeking” promiscuity teens are engaging in today is SCARY – I mean off the charts and the STD rates support it! Again, y’all KNOW I’m all about living your truth, so this is not a bash on same-sex, sex. If you’re gay LIVE IT, PROUDLY!

The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul. ~William B. Yeats

Teaching Adults
As a Personal Growth speaker and trainer I take issues most of us deal with and give universal principles that help people make better decisions so that they can rid themselves of what I call, MFRs (the notions of Mistakes, Failures, and Regrets…none of which I give credence).  Here’s what I’m sure about, many parents avoid the issue of sex because it reminds them of how they’ve handled it and they feel shame, embarrassment or like hypocrites talking to their children, or for many just don’t know how.

OUCH!! It’s a reality for many, but parents have to come from a more empowered place; taking ownership of their lives regardless of past experiences and develop mental and emotional tools that aid them to make better decision as they foster the journey of self development and self leadership. This falls in that category.

We grow in 3 ways: Physically, Mentally and Emotionally (Spiritually). The only one that’s optional is Emotional – Personal Growth – AND it’s the only one that’s going to get up to the point of shifting this course!

Concern/Question from a Young Woman
Before writing this blog, I posted a concern on the Grown IS Sexy! Facebook page and a precious young woman, I met while presenting at the Schomburg Center in Harlem earlier this year expressed concerns about whether adults were willing to hear, moreover willing to do the work to positively impact what’s really going on. Well, I’m asking you, adults – particularly parents of young children – what can you do, what do you think others should be doing, how can we all play a part in changing the course of our children, finally, what are you willing to do? How young does this sex thing have to get?

Watch this video…I think it’s criminal!

Can somebody say “PooNannie Principle Intervention”?!  This child is having sex with her clothes on and don’t even know it! What’s worse is that she learned this from adults (likely her Momma!) Oh, you don’t think it could ever be your child, PooNannie Popping? Really! Maybe not in your presence, but if you’ve got BET and they’re with children everyday at school who CAN PooNannie Pop, Oh YES IT CAN!

In many cases those little people outside of your house will have more influence than you do as a parent! This is NOT everybody else’s problem; it’s yours too! Now what are you prepared to do about it? How far is too far? Am I trying to provoke you, ABSOLUTELY!

So, talk to me, please! And with all due respect…again, in my opinion, this is NOT ABOUT RELIGION so please refrain.

Here we GROW again…Grown IS Sexy! 😉

Doing IT Better with ZARA! NEXT Decision…BETTER than your LAST !

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All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony