September 15, 2012 6 Comments
One of the most important self-preserving boundary establishing things I learned from my father is that, sometimes it’s necessary to meet people where they are. And some people will not understand you fully until you slap them with a few expletives!
I learned from Daddy that before I am anything, I am a wonderful human being amongst other human beings. Most are wonderful, but I will inevitably bump into some assholes and I need to be just as equipped to handle them as I am to handle the wonderful beings. In order to do that I have to have in my arsenal the tools that are effective against them, too!
You see, I’ve become good friends with some men because I had the balls to cuss them; to push them back – drawing hard fast lines – creating boundaries for how far they can go with me; earning their respect!
I’ve never had a man raise his hand to me (at least not my man – some lil’ bitch-ass I’d never have did once, but never a man of mine). An ex-husband did shove me once and then knowing that I was b-lining to my pistol (bought for me by my Daddy who also taught me to shoot it) he ran out of the house and stayed gone two days hoping I wasn’t still sitting in the “shoot” position. If I were too much of a lady to carry a pistol, I may have gotten my ass whipped that day, and then likely more days!
Being a lady is not about what words you use or don’t use – although most times it’s not necessary to cuss to get your point across, and some points aren’t worth cussing to make. It’s not about the clothes you wear or don’t wear. It’s not about the way you wear your hair, or the lack of hair you have. (High-five India Arie because, “I Am Not My Hair” hit the nail on the head.) Being a lady begins with respect for self and establishing boundaries – reinforcing those boundaries so that they are respected as you seek to live in harmony with others.
There are women who fuck anybody who asks, others who seek to fuck other people’s men – participating in PooNannie phoolery at its best; many are well covered in pink, adorned with ruffles and lace, in stilettos with all the finishing touches (mani/pedi) of a perceived lady and cuss words never part their lips.
There are others who quote bible scriptures as part of their regular conversation and speak death and destruction over those who oppose them, which to me is the epitome of cursing. However these same people will say it’s “ungodly” to cuss.
Don’t tell me that because I will tell you to go fuck yourself or to take a flying fuck at the moon or outright call you a motherfucker, when I deem it appropriate – meeting you where you are – that I am not a lady. And if you do, then you can kiss my ass!
Here we grow…Grown IS Sexy!
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All the best,
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony