Make New Year’s Resolutions, Not Promises

Starting or Stopping, Jan 1st

Starting or Stopping, Jan 1st

A RESOLUTION is a process toward an intention, not an abrupt ending nor an assurance of change upon a declared date.

Who in the world went and changed the whole definition of a resolution – setting us all up for disappointments, year after year? Let’s get it straight so that our resolutions are really achievable this year, and every year!

New Year’s Resolutions usually entail stopping and/or starting something:

  • Start a Diet
  • Stop Cursing
  • Start Working Out
  • Stop Drinking
  • Start Eating Broccoli
  • Stop Smoking
  • Start Going to Church
  • Stop Lying
  • Start Spending More Time with my Children
  • Stop Cheating
  • …Add Yours

The thing about these starts and stops is that in order to actually do them, you’ve got to change your relationships with them. Yes, you have ‘relationships’ with the things you do and/or don’t do.

We’re all conditioned…so in order to resolve your relationship with the thing you want to start or stop, along with setting your intention, you’ve got to commit to Recondition how you think, feel and respond to it, to Deprogram how you think, feel and respond to it, and to Retrain yourself in more advantageous ways to think about, feel about and respond to it…in some cases it means REparenting because for a lot of us…we get IT from our Mommas and Daddys.

That’s not an indictment of your parents, IT is what it is. The bottom line is that parents can only give you what they’ve got. Full grown adults still blaming their parents for what they’re doing is SO unattractive – YOU are YOUR responsibility…what you think, how you feel and what you do, or don’t do…your decisions are yours – you get credit and consequences.  Whatever your life IS or IS NOT,  it’s YOURS. No more BLAME, nor SHAME. It’s your life: CHOOSE it – just as it is, OWN it – the good, bad and ugly, CHANGE it – as long as you can breathe and learn IT can get better.

Be kinder to you! Making commitments toward resolutions to yourself, instead of promises to others, is a great start. Sure, hold yourself accountable for what you do or don’t do, but don’t beat you up! One of the biggest hindrances to progress is getting stuck on the “bad” thing you do or the “wrong” decision you make, rather than being determined to make a better decision the next time. The person you most have to ‘prove’ to is you. Once you’re confident in your ability to change because you’ve proven it; that evidence of doing better will also have you feeling better. When you feel good about you, you’ll automatically desire more of it and attract it unto yourself, thus progressive change.

Resolutions are kept because you evolve; you change and the things around you change too.

Five things you can do to improve your relationship with the things you want to change/resolve in your life:

1.)   Commit to the Process: Recondition, Deprogram, Retrain…for some it means, Reparent.

2.)   Be Kind to Yourself by Eliminating Contrasting Concepts: Good/Bad and Right/Wrong…it just “is” and you’re making IT better.

3.)   Don’t make promises – Don’t Talk About IT just Be About IT

4.)   Keep the Momentum – The person you most have to prove to is yourself, then you can be proud and change will speak for itself.

5.)   NEXT Decision BETTER; it’s ALWAYS within reach and NEVER a set up for disappointment

Here’s the beauty of treating resolutions as a process rather than a promise…the promise to start or stop something by a date with no new skills to accomplish is a set up for you to fail and for others to be disappointed, but with a commitment to resolve in 2011, you’ve got all year to do it! And now, you’ve got the formula: one decision at a time making your NEXT Decision BETTER than the LAST.

So, for your 2011 Resolution…Commit to the Process of a Change, Live without Contrasting Concepts, Only Make Promises to Yourself, Maintain Momentum Toward Your Intention and Adapt the Mantra, “NEXT Decision BETTER”!

This Jan 1st, be kinder to you! Years ago, I made a commitment to self to be my best me. “NEXT Decision BETTER” is my life mantra and it’s never let me down even when others feel I’ve let them down – all I can do is my best, and that’s good enough for me. Just decide to do and be, BETTER!  😉 Are you with me? We’re Growin’ UP, Grown IS Sexy! 😉

Here’s to a Happier, Transformative You in 2011 and Beyond!

Here we GROW…Grown IS Sexy! ;-)

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About Zara Green
Hi, I'm Zara Green, A "Do Better" Fanatic and Your Advocate...I'm glad you're here! As a personal growth Author and Speaker, who's Individuality & Resilience-Focused, I spark conversations that expand thinking, encourage effective & productive responses and produce better individual decision-making and better interpersonal communications in relationships. Growing Up with Zara because life is meant to be enjoyed ;-)

7 Responses to Make New Year’s Resolutions, Not Promises

  1. Zara Green says:

    I’m listening 😉

  2. Joann says:

    Great blog post! My fav part: “one decision at a time making your NEXT Decision BETTER than the LAST.”
    So here’s mine:
    ___x____ (Add yours space)
    ok, instead of starting or stopping something I’ve decided to ADD something. More raw foods. It’s still part of the ole’ weight loss/be healthier column but it’s a little diff!

  3. Zara Green says:

    Thank you Joann!

    Ya know what? I have NO DOUBT that you’ll be eating more raw foods as the year progresses, and if you choose as life goes on…one decision at a time making your NEXT Decision BETTER than the LAST. 🙂

    Would love to hear from you again, mid-year!

  4. I love #3. Stop talking, and get busy!

  5. Zara Green says:

    @Lisa…I know I get tired of hearing folks talking about it but not being about it. I love it too! 🙂

  6. Zara, i love #4 because i tend to allow myself to get stuck there. After the initial excitement of a new endeavor wears thin, momentum is what carries you forward. Fabulous post. Happy, Better, New Year! 😉

  7. Pingback: Don’t Just Make New Year’s Resolutions. Commit to Esteemable Goals. - Black Enterprise

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