Giving Alternatives to Your Mate

Are You Listening?

“If you don’t, then I will” or “You do this or else” are often a tactics used to get what we want, but it’s not a good one because in the end we don’t get to control people with threats…not without consequences.  To even be to the point of having to give an alternative is an indicator of other issues.

In an episode of the sitcom “Seinfeld”, Jerry is dating a woman who doesn’t like that he and his posse are greeting each other using a particular voice, and saying just one word…”Hello”.

She has her reasons for why that bothers her and told Jerry to choose between which was more important to him, saying “Hello” or being with her.

After giving it some thought and some time passed. Jerry went to her apartment, knocked on the door and when she answered the door, he answered her – with a smile and in that voice, “Hello!”

Okay so that was a little humor, but how should you handle a situation that you don’t like?

First, be open to the possibility that the issue is with you and be willing to use the opportunity to grow.  Then, have a non-accusatory discussion with the person.  If, after, re-evaluating your perspective you are still uncomfortable with the situation, then you simply express your desire.

This will be met with compliance, or not.  If compliance, you get to continue as you were.  If not, you get to decide a course of action that will make you more comfortable.

People teach you who they are; what they want – by what they do.  You can’t force ANYTHING.  Even if you think you are for a while, you’re just setting yourself up for a delayed and bigger disappointment.

We’re Growin’ UP…Grown IS Sexy! 😉

Doing IT Better with ZARA! NEXT Decision…BETTER than your LAST !

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, do me a favor…Share it with Somebody…Thank you!

Oh…and leave a comment…I’m listening…


About Zara Green
Hi, I'm Zara Green, A "Do Better" Fanatic and Your Advocate...I'm glad you're here! As a personal growth Author and Speaker, who's Individuality & Resilience-Focused, I spark conversations that expand thinking, encourage effective & productive responses and produce better individual decision-making and better interpersonal communications in relationships. Growing Up with Zara because life is meant to be enjoyed ;-)

4 Responses to Giving Alternatives to Your Mate

  1. Zara Green says:

    I’m listening…:-)

  2. Deborah Ann Hill says:

    So true. If it’s just someone I’m seeing like the Seinfeld case, I applaud both of them. But if it were my serious partner….I try (I said try) to remember at all times:
    (1) take a step back and say, “Am I projecting on him something similarly annoying that I do that I’m secretly ashamed of and afraid to admit, or that i just ignore and don’t do anything proactive to root out on correct?” If the answer is yes, then it’s back to the lab for me and he can be himself in all his glory while I work on correcting that aspect of myself.
    (2) Am I being controlling, bratty, needy? Am I zeroing in on that aspect of him that I wouldn’t even be annoyed by if I was in the midst of something that I COULD be doing RIGHT NOW? Cuz if so, I’m snapping right back into the Now and doing whatever can be done, now. Cuz there’s ALWAYS something to do in the Now.

    If neither 1 or 2 apply, then,
    (3) I will talk to him about it, and hopefully rememember to LISTEN — not HEAR him and wait for him to finish so MOI can say more; LISTEN. What he says and how I receive it will determine the next “move.” If I approach him in Love and he truly Loves me, a happy medium or resolution WILL be reached.

  3. Zara Green says:

    @Deborah – “I said try”…lol! I love the upfront honesty, or disclaimer just in case your mate sees it, lol!

    These are fantastic steps for self-evaluation and opportunities for personal growth and LISTENING is Oh, So KEY! If we don’t set our intention to really listen, by default, we only hear.

    FANTASTIC ADDITION Deb…thank you!!
    Hugs ‘n Love ❤

  4. Deborah Ann Hill says:

    you are welcome!

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