My Father Invaded My Privacy

“I’ve never told any of y’all this but I recorded every conversation y’all had.” He went on to say, “You are my children, this is my house, you were using my phone and it was my responsibility to know what you were doing and to protect you, “ he said and then he fell out laughing.

I just hung up the phone with Daddy – he’d held that all this time. He said, “What’s it been now Baby, over 20 years since you moved out? I figure I’d go ahead and tell you now,” as he cracks himself up laughing!

What was I doing as he shared this? I was laughing hysterically with him. Why? Because that is who my Daddy is and, while I didn’t know he was doing it, I’m not, at all surprised.

Parents, please DON'T!

I’m always troubled, okay let me just tell the truth, PERTURBED by what I call “loosey-goosey ass parenting” – more concerned with being a child’s friend than their parent. As a parent there should be times when your child doesn’t like you, at all! Times when they want something really badly, but don’t have the wisdom to know how it won’t be to their advantage because they’re not developed enough to understand, but you;  and when you refuse to bend because you care more about protecting them than being disliked (for a period of time) by them.

We repeatedly heard, “I don’t give a damn how you feel about what I’ve told you to do, just do it!” Daddy didn’t bite his tongue, and every threat he ever made he followed through on. We were very clear about where “the line” was with Daddy and we wouldn’t dare cross it!

Was it fear? YEP! A very healthy fear. Fear based on respect for the man who worked very hard to provide more than we needed, but never all that we wanted – balance is so key!

He never told any of us he loved us (while we were young) and we never doubted that he did because love is an action word. One that is not always about what you do for your children. It is also about what you won’t permit and allowing them to do.

Too many parents want to be the “cool parent” and they fail to discipline and establish/reinforce rules. Children will have a lifetime to develop friendships, but only a sliver of time to be parented and that’s sliver prepares them for a lifetime!

Every one of us has rules to follow in life, so should your children. And they should understand that, early!

Respect wasn’t something my parents had to ask for, and we were more reverent of them than we were afraid. When a child doesn’t learn to revere at home, they’ll not just grant that honor on anybody when they leave your house.  A child know their loved when there’s boundaries, rules and discipline and when they get into the real world and see that the home prepared them to respect boundaries, follow rules and has given them the tools to then discipline themselves that’s when the appreciation kicks in.

No they don’t like it when it happens, but they love you more when they have points of reference later in life and that’s what parents are supposed to provide!

Daddy was always a step ahead of me and my siblings. Along with having the village who was quick to tell on us (even whip our tails if we really deserved it) he also had the recorded conversations which he kept downstairs in their bedroom out of clear view (and we wouldn’t DARE go through their things). So when we asked to go somewhere and told a story about where we were going and with whom, our recorded conversations would confirm our truth or reveal our lying asses and Daddy would permit us or deny us based on them.

No, he wasn’t invading my privacy. He was protecting me from my own stupidity and I love him all the more for that! He used the latest technologies to keep us safe. Parents today have far more tools available to them and I think they should use them…all of them!

Who knows how much of my youthful stupidity he protected me from? All I know is that his answer was “no” a lot more than it was “yes”, and he established with us early that “No” was a complete sentence.

So thank you, Daddy for using whatever means necessary to invade my privacy! Maybe if more parents would, they’d have less surprises about what their children are REALLY doing and can better guide them, and protect the rest of us.

Tell me what you think…do you think your underage children should have privacy – something in their lives that you should not know about?

If you enjoyed this, please share it with your Social Media friends.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

It Is Not Just Plagiarism It’s My Life

Absolute Disbelief
This TRICK set up a Facebook page that mirrored mine. No really, she copied and pasted my posts as her original material, stole my blog posts and turned them into “notes” tagging friends and celebrities, and even hinted that soon there will be a book, “Pocketbook Principles” from my “PooNannie Principles,” lessons from my Daddy.

Here are a couple of examples how she modified my posts:
On this one she removed “-Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy” entirely. No credit to him, at all for his quotes.

This was a post with comments on the Grown IS Sexy! page that she turned into a note, tagging people.

She’s copied some of my blogs too, including my Divorce Is Not An Option blog and creating a note.

As I scrolled her page, my “NEXT Decision BETTER” became her “Next and Better Decision”. My Daddy’s quotes, “Sam Green, Sr.” became just “S G, Sr.” and my “Lessons from the Barbershop” became her “Lessons from the Shop”. My “We’re Growin’ UP” became her “We’re Goin’ Up” and my “Grown IS Sexy” became her “Grown and Sassy”. She made these changes but EVERYTHING ELSE remained as I originally posted them.

Here are some examples of how she’s done that:

• This is probably the most egregious offense because it’s the longest. And while it’s all mine, she’s meshed them all together. Certainly not as cohesively as my soon to be published book.
• This is a day’s worth of related posts on “Opportunities Are Created” that she’s copied and pasted as a note…she did that a lot!
• This day was several related posts too on My Daddy’s Principles regarding the PooNannie, again copied and pasted into a note.
• Here’s MY blog post, It’s YOUR Life and here’s how she’s owing it – she calls it, Parenting: It’s Not My Fault.

Here are some single posts dating back to May 2010 that she copied and pasted:

• The Past Is Gone
• It’s Your Life
• Don’t Be Rude – this one says “Grown IS Sexy” but does not credit me.
• Don’t Be Bamboozled! – I signed “Grown IS Sexy”…she switched it out for “Sassy”

There are SO MANY of my single posts that she turned to notes.

I created the Grown IS Sexy! “fan” page on Facebook and everyday for the past 2 years I post and engage discussions on self development for self leadership integrating many terms I’ve created from seminars and workshops over the years that have taken on a life of their own. And I freely share my experiences and life lessons.

Flattered My Ass, I Am PISSED!

Me and Daddy

Some of you know the relationship that I have with my father.  At 44, I am still Daddy’s little girl.  Along with many other things, my father taught me everything I needed to know about sex much of which I learned growing up in his barbershop.  I hold those lessons very near and dear.  So, for this TRICK to claim my experiences as her own, even my Daddy as hers, PISSES me off!

I am not flattered that she wants to be me or that she is claiming my work.  My daily interaction with those on my fan page is, kind of, my ministry.  I love sharing digestible nuggets that help others “Courage UP” and make better decisions. And we have some powerful discussions on the Grown IS Sexy! page and now, frankly, I feel violated.
She has gone as far as extracting from the comment sections where I’ve clarified a post all the more or responded to people’s personal experiences to extract each of my comments and create “notes” on her Facebook “fan” page, which are the equivalent to a blog – all my words, verbatim.

I have myself on Google Alert (which I highly recommend), so whenever anybody posts, mention or repost my work I get an automatic alert and I periodically Google my terms. I started using “Sam Green-ism” and so I Googled it and found that she had been copying and pasting my work for over a year. I went back to July 2010 and was exhausted so I stopped.

We’re All Born With Talent

You've Got Talent

Well, not exactly! We are all born with natural propensities – a natural lean toward certain abilities.  And it is every individual’s task to identify what those are (the easy part because they show up even if you’re not looking for them) and then to hone those skills which unveil our talents. It is then our job to develop those talents over time.

I’m very passionate about individuality, and so clear about the different traits and experiences that make us all different and valuable that I teach it; I’ve produced two audio books about it, Living in Harmony and Living by Design.  If this thief would spend her time honing her own natural abilities, she’d find the wealth of value within her and would feel absolutely foolish stealing my work.

There Are No Shortcuts
Those of us who have known levels of success know that the path to success is not a straight line and there are no shortcuts!

I was a traveling speaker and trainer, literally in a different city every day teaching professional development – communications, interpersonal, and leadership skills.  I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and since age 17, I’ve been fascinated with temperaments, so in every session I’ve ever taught I teach temperaments; show people their individual value. It was all on the road when I realized that I loved teaching personal growth; seeing people have light bulb moments.

Bottom Line: my path, my experiences, my natural abilities and honed talents make me the expert on the things that I teach, including PooNannie responsibility.

While I am pissed that she would try to claim my work as her own, even hinting at a book of MY “PooNannie Principles” only she’s calling it “Pocketbook Principles” she is not me.

Speaking of no shortcuts…HELL, do you know how long it took me to put “PooNannie” in writing?!?!

I’ve been known for talking about the “PooNannie” in sessions for years, but I was so afraid of being known as “The PooNannie Lady.”  People have been asking for my book, but I had to get comfortable with my ability to tastefully convey the messages AND, frankly, to be known as The PooNannie Lady before I would share them in such public forums.

The book is coming. I’ve been working on it and I’m not rushing it because of this. It’s my path, my experiences – it’s MY LIFE! I’m clear that nobody can tell, nor share my life better than I can. Nobody can steal that!

FYI…I have reported the page to Facebook but haven’t heard from them yet, but get this…just before posting this, another Facebook page surfaced with my posts called: Life After Separation and Divorce. From what I can tell it’s the same TRICK (it’s the nicest thing I can call her right now)!

There are literally more posts on her page that are mine than are not! I scrolled her page in absolute disbelief! She continues to delete my supporters comments but my content remains. You can see the page here.

Here’s to finding the wealth of value within you and developing the best, YOU! We’re Growin’ UP…Grown IS Sexy!

UPDATE (October 21, 2010): Since I posted this blog, I’ve learned who she is and reached out to her. Many of my supporters after hearing about this covered her page, comment after comment, about infringing on my intellectual property. She’s so insistent on continuing that she is diligently removing all of their comments but not my content. Neither has she responded to me.

UPDATE: (October 22, 2010) Like many of you I’ve worked on my brand for years and this just does not sit well with me. As of yet, Facebook still hasn’t responded to my submission but we have self-policed and got her attention. But it doesn’t mean she’s repentant; she’s changed her settings so that we can no longer leave comments and as a result all of  our comments were automatically removed, but my content still remains.

From what I have gathered about her, she has several businesses…a hustler! All I know is that publishing MY CONTENT had better not be one of them. Again, many many thanks to those of you who have rallied with me on this.

If you had any kind of reaction to this post please tell me about it in the comment section below.

And, please share it with your Social Media friends. DO share your gifts, but beware.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

Sexually Uninhibited Or Just Loose

"SuperHead", Really?!

I heard a young woman recently say that she lost her virginity before she had her first kiss.  That is just mind-boggling to me.  She went on to say that she’d had multiple sexual partners in an attempt to improve her sexual skills.

Now if prostitution is a career path and she’s living in Nevada where it’s perfectly legal, and it’s the family business, I totally understand that, otherwise, somebody failed her miserably.

“Every Tom, Dick and Harry ain’t supposed to know how you moan, Baby; that list ought to be very short. Your reputation depends on it.”  –Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

By now, most of you know that I grew up in my Daddy’s barber shop and beauty salon and that he did not censor any conversations for my sake. In fact, he knew that allowing me to get the uncensored versions of how differently men and women thought about and used sex would be to my benefit.

This post is not to condemn any person because all any of us can do is that which we know.  But as with every PooNannie Post, it is to spark conversation about behaviors because to be sexually uninhibited is a good thing when in healthy context, but to be “Loose” is just irresponsible.

Sexual Guidance is Good Parenting

Our society is moving so fast and parents are so busy running the rat race while sexuality expands, evolves and/or unveils that we are all still trying to figure out where we are sexually, and too many parents, therefore provide little, if any, guidance for our children.  And when left to their own devices, they make it up as they go and their experiences become their truth.  And being the humans we are, when we reinforce our” truth(s)” through conditioning, how we are conditioned becomes our reality.

Let’s face it, sex has never been an easy subject for most adults, even today in our very actively sexual society, parents are still not talking with their children about what it means to be sexually responsible. Mostly, because they themselves have not been, or worse, still are not.

PooNannie: the delicacy between a woman’s legs

(according to the Urban Dictionary)

Delicacy or Stankin’ Tuna?

No, this is not just about loose girls and loose women, we all know that boys and men are as sexually irresponsible, but they can’t do it without you women (you know the exceptions, but I’m not going there in this post)!

WOMAN: You are the gatekeepers and you have to get smarter about how you’re using that tool between your legs. Too many of you, especially you “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Women”, are just doling it out freely, uninterrupted and uninhibited – proving that intellect does not equal smart.

She’s educated! A professional – handling her business and climbing the success ladder all week long, but when dealing with men she trades in her brilliant brain for a box of rocks!

A smart woman wouldn’t dilute the overall value of a delicacy by turning hers into a stankin’ tuna!

“Reputations can be improved, but never removed. You can recover from being a ‘bitch’, but some labels are irreparable…you don’t ever want to be known as the neighborhood ho”.  –Sam Green, Sr. aka My Daddy

The PooNannie is a delicacy. Treat H.E.R. as such – with Honor, Esteem and Respect.

Here’s what you’ll find: when you do, you’ll attract men who will treat you the same way – with Honor, Esteem and Respect…and you will have deserved it. We tend to get what we deserve.

We’re Growin’ UP…Grown IS Sexy!

If you had any kind of reaction to this post please tell me about it in the comment section below.

And, please share it with your Social Media friends.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

At the End of My Rope

End of Rope

Have you ever been discouraged with something in life that caused you to feel stuck, scared or hopeless?  That’s not necessarily a bad space to be.  Often, it’s the best space to be because you can earnestly say that you’ve tried everything you know. Remember that life is to be about learning and your learning should never stop.

For many people, it is only in this space that they will seek help.  Regardless of your dilemma, a productive solution that is advantageous for all involved is waiting to be discovered.

Everybody believes in the impossible because we know that “Anything is possible”, but few believe that great results from bleak circumstances in their own lives are probable.

For every stuck, scared or seemingly hopeless place in your life, it is not just possible to have a positive outcome it can be probable for anybody willing to learn and adapt their thinking and behavior in that area.

Rope Extends

The more you do it, the more your rope extends; your solutions begin to unfold.  You’ll gain confidence in what you don’t know, develop your mental muscles, and great results will become probable in your own mind.  It is in this space you’ll realize that as long as you don’t quit, your rope never really ends.

Keep hope alive with your willingness to always learn something new, forsake something old and embrace what is. With this mindset, an adventure awaits you with new possibilities. It’s why self development should not stop. Now, buckle up and enjoy the ride!

Think about the times you thought you just weren’t going to make it, but then your rope extended. Feel free to share your experience – leave a comment and help extend somebody Else’s rope today.

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

Hail to the V

“It’s the cradle of life.

It’s the center of civilization.

Over the ages and throughout the world men have fought for it…

begged for it…

died for it!

One might say, it’s the most powerful thing on earth…

so come on Ladies…show it a little love!

Hail to ‘The V’!”

If you’ve not seen this commercial, I’ve embedded it below for your enjoyment. I’ve certainly been tickled by it.

HAIL TO “The V”…PooNannie Power!

I’m not endorsing the product, but I think the commercial deserves an award!

Beyond the Pain is Where You’ll Find Joy

Are you Scarred or Refined by Life’s Challenges?

Life Reflections. Be Ye Transformed.

When I look at my life’s hardest emotional moments they were also the most transforming times. It wasn’t the decisions that led me to circumstances that had the most gratifying impacts, it was the decisions to move beyond them. The most emotionally challenging times were also the most emotionally developing times. Here’s a snapshot of my transformational reflection.

Be Ye Transformed…

Life beyond moving from the comforts of home, NOLA with family to another city, only knowing one person more than 20 years ago as a young woman in search of  “more” for myself.

Life beyond, not the marriage, but the divorce was the most transforming (marrying is easy, so is staying in a marriage rather than mustering the courage to leave).

Life beyond health challenges that threatened psychological balance and quality of life.

Life beyond, leaving organized religion after 30 years and graduating from ministerial school in a mega church where I’d served for over a decade. Yep, I’m a church boycotting Minister.

Life beyond, divorcing again and moving cross-country away from everything and everybody I knew to intentionally shed everything I thought I knew in order to view life with no preconceived notions.

Life beyond stigmas and labels others wanted to define me as, that I refused to be limited by.

Life beyond, Hurricane Katrina because it happened, it didn’t happen TO me. Not just for losing all my stuff, but all the more challenging as director of public relations for the city of New Orleans with an inside view watching a wreck about to happen but with no authority to stop it.

Life beyond, businesses that didn’t turn profits. (Notice that I didn’t call them failures.)

Life beyond, accepting the betrayal of those who were supposed to love and support me.

Life beyond…

Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind; what you THINK you know, how you THOUGHT things would be and be ever willing to grow when it’s uncomfortable, trusting that Source ‘got’ you – that’s faith in action! Trusting that Source is smarter than you are; that if it is, it’s supposed to be.

Today, I have a low tolerance for misery. It’s a decision. You could make it too. Join me. Life beyond pain and fear is where the real joy of living is, but you’ll only know that if you’ll Courage UP. Dare to embrace the adventurous journey just waiting to breath life back into you.

When I reflect over my life on the things that’s brought me the most joy they were preceded by things that brought me the most pain and/or a really scary situation.

Life begins when you’ll dare move, beyond. Grow with me…Grown IS Sexy!

Feel free to leave a comment on some of your “Life Beyond” and transforming experiences. Go ahead, I’m listening! Help others to move beyond the pain.

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

Your Health IS Your Responsibility: Deal With Cancer Before It Deals With You

We all have THAT family member who says (or used to say), “you’ve got to die of something” as an excuse to not take responsibility for their own health…don’t be THAT family member, okay?

If you can not look back over the course of your life and recall some thoughts you’ve had, feelings you’ve felt and things you’ve done and see a damn fool, then you still are one! I KNOW I’ve been one! Which upon reflection makes me ever-grateful for my capacity to learn, my willingness to embrace what is and for the growth I’ve seen and know that I’ll continue to experience because I’m determined to keep making my NEXT Decision BETTER™.

NEXT Decision BETTER™ is not just my mantra for emotional decision it’s applicable in all things!

Deciding Is Hard!

This is a tough post because usually my blog posts are about self development for the purpose of self leadership involving emotional things and this one goes beyond that, but still about YOU – you making your NEXT Decision BETTER™ from the sodas you drink and the toothpaste you use, to the convenience of how you prepare your food. DON’T YOU DARE CLICK THAT ‘BACK’ BUTTON. *side-eye stare* This is for YOUR health which is YOUR Responsibility and I agree, deciding TO take responsibility for your health can be hard. But deciding TO is the hardest part. So come on…

Cancer is running rampant, but there are things you can do to minimize its affects. I am not sharing this to condemn you, rather to inform, enlighten and with hope that you’ll make decisions to transform you, as I have and continue to be informed, enlightened and transformed.

Following are just some of the things I’ve modified or changed completely for my overall health and why, along with links with more information.  Sometimes, in our capitalistic society you have to dig a little deeper for the truth.  I decided that I’m worth it and I’m sharing this in hopes of you looking at your own life not just for longevity, but also to do your part to live the highest quality of life, possible.

Carbonated Drinks
I have not had a carbonated soda in over a decade because the body wasn’t built to handle it, and within just 60 minutes of having drank a Cola, the body is taxed in ways that, overtime breaks it down.

Soda and M & M’s are what got me through college as a full time student and full time employee when I’ve had to keep late nights or pull all nighters, but as I began to take ownership of my health I had to change.

So What Do I Drink in the Place of Soda Now?
Sometimes, “not from concentrate” juices or just water with lemon.  For a refreshing drink, I occasionally add Bragg’s Apple cider Vinegar and Grade B Maple Syrup to my water.

Microwave Ovens
I’ve not, intentionally, had microwaved food since 2006. I say, intentionally, because you don’t always know how something’s prepared when eating out although I’ve learned to be more proactive about ordering in restaurants. In my house, the only purpose a microwave serves is to kill the germs in sponges; that’s its only use for me because the hidden hazards of microwave use makes me lose my appetite.

How do I warm my food, you wonder?
I am old school, cooking and warming everything stove top or in the oven. Technology is a beautiful thing, but we have a responsibility to know their effectsand to make responsible choices.

Deodorant
In 2006, at the instruction of my wellness therapist, when fibroid tumors nearly killed me, I had a minerals analysis done and the aluminum in my body was off the charts! The biggest contributor of aluminum in the body, daily and overtime is deodorant. It was back to nature for me!

To Deoderize or Not To Deoderize?
Unless I’ve got somewhere to go I don’t put anything under my arms. Seasons influence my decisions when I do have to go somewhere. If it’s cold/cool out I’ll only use baking soda. I make sure my underarms are completely dry and then with a dry makeup sponge I pat underarms like a light powder. It totally works!

On hot summer days, I’ll do the same but I am mindful that it doesn’t last as long as the aluminum stuff, so I’ll either pack washing gear to refresh or bite the bullet and use a itsy-bitsy tiny dab of regular deodorant. As for my experience with the alternative deodorants, I haven’t found them to work any better than ‘Just Baking Soda’.

There are reports of baking soda naturally being aluminum free, AND there are reports of it not being, SO just to be safe I use Bob’s Red Mill Aluminum-Free Baking Soda.

Fluoride Toothpaste
When you get on the journey of making better decisions where your health is concerned, which also means getting off of the traditional tracks of medicine, you’ll learn of many things that society feeds you as good for you is all about a dollar – FOR THE INDUSTRY. YOU are just their pawns and this “fluoride” business is a piece of work. From your water to your toothpaste.

So How DO I keep Mine Pearly White?
I’ve got some pearly whites and it’s not because of any of the major brand toothpastes, nor because of cosmetically altered dental work. It’s because I went back to doing what my father, who’s now 73 and still has all of teeth and never any teeth issues, has always done – peroxide to ward off infection and baking soda to clean. And just because I enjoy the effects of a motorized toothbrush and mine happens to call for two different brush attachments and a tongue brush, I also finish off with, JASON Healthy Mouth Tea Tree, natural fluoride-free toothpaste. (Note: all of JASON’s Toothpastes are NOT fluoride-free)

Milk/Dairy Products
By age 2 your body stopped producing the enzymes needed to digest cow’s milk that’s why most human beings don’t tolerate it well. Milk coagulates and forms cancer producing environments in the body.

This video is by an 8th grade student who knows what it took me years to learn.

What Alternatives Are There?
Generally I don’t like dairy products so not drinking milk or eating yogurt and cottage cheese are not a big stretch for me. I do love cheese but I don’t buy it. I will have a piece or two at events and admittedly, I’m still a bit of a hypocrite because although I don’t outright drink milk I love coffee and I’m a coffee snob. I’ll only drink it with raw sugar and organic half ‘n half (don’t get me started on the hormones, antibiotics and other added mess that cows are fed that affect us). I’ve quit coffee on several occasions and will again, but for not now. *side-eye stare*

I will have Almond Milk when I think I want cereal which is rare or occasionally Goat, Coconut and Soy Milk. Aside from the couple tablespoons of organic half ‘n half everyday, I stopped dairy products over a decade ago.

That’s IT…Don’t Want To OverWhelm You.
Sure, there are many other things I could mention, but I don’t want to overwhelm you, I want to heighten your awareness and maybe trigger something in you to start the journey of ABSOLUTE personal responsibility.  Once you start the journey, it’ll lead you on your own path to learn even more and be inspired to make better decisions about your health.

When I left home, not long after college – in my early 20’s – I was intent on being and doing what my parents hoped and instilled in  – better than they were and  had done.  To me that meant to have a better life than they did because I’d been granted the education that they weren’t, so I should do things they hadn’t and have more than they did. That’s about as far as “better” went in my mind at that time.

But then, after leaving my home environment (family, city, culture) and experiencing another (and eventually many others) it expanded my knowledge, options and choices, but decisions on all of this new information was solely up to me. I could choose to completely L.E.G. UP in life, to slightly modify based on all my new knowledge or to reject it all.

Cancer has been a theme throughout my family and since my first surgery at 14 I became very aware of it’s presence within me. Knowing that there is a genetic predisposition is one reason I’ve made changes. Another is the rise of cancer occurrences as it relates to technology and capitalism.

If you are not awakened to anything else from this post, you have to consider that what you consume and its effects are your responsibility. No, there are no guarantees that making any changes will keep you any healthier, but just because you can do some things doesn’t mean you should and just because they sell it doesn’t mean you should buy/use it…LEARN what you need to learn about what you consume so you can make better decisions.

So don’t say you didn’t know!   NEXT Decision BETTER ™

Feel free to leave a comment on some of the things you’ve changed – for your health. Go ahead…I’m listening…

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

My Big Chop Became My Clean Shave

Shaved Clean

The first day of spring I got a wild hair up my arse!

That’s the only way to describe what prompted My Big Chop, or in my case, what became My Clean Shave.

To call me impulsive would be, situation-ally accurate, but spontaneous is more fitting. To say that I’m rash could be applicable, but decisive is more like it.

It was Sunday, March 20, 2011, the first day of spring after, what I’ve been told, was the harshest winter in the Northeast. It was also my first winter in the Northeast. I’m such a sun-bunny that I welcomed spring with open arms and after enjoying sunshine and warmth on my deck all day, feeling extra grateful that the snow was done for the season (or so I thought – it returned the very next day) I decided to honor that day with a personal mark of renewal – in a way that only I could make it so as the sun went down I decided I wanted a fresh start – a new me, so I started cutting; chopping about an inch at a time.

Just Started Cutting

When I got down to what was only “new growth” I realized I’d done, The Big Chop.

The Big Chop!

But I couldn’t seem to stop so I grabbed my beau’s clippers. My Big Chop then became My Clean Shave.

Electric Shaved

But was that enough…no…I had to grab the close triple blade and then my head felt like lamb’s skin leather and was as smooth as a baby’s bottom.

Triple Blade Shaved

I’ve always known that I’d cut all of my hair off, if for no other reason to create an adventure for myself; it’s my nature to create experiences. But this time I had an even deeper reason.

“Knowing that we differ is not enough! Understanding HOW we differ is the foundation to self-esteem and respect in any relationship.” ~Zara Green

I’ve been all over the country telling people how to make their NEXT Decision BETTER as an Individuality Advocate, with expertise in temperaments and resilience. My messages are about Living by Design and Living in Harmony: identifying what makes you – you, distinguishing your unique qualities, embracing all of you…establishing a foundation to put YOU, first and to live your best life as harmoniously as possible, with others.

Moving to New York brought me to a realization: I know what qualities distinguish me, I’m clear about my value, and am most comfortable in my own skin – I live my best life, but there was a part of me that I didn’t know, authentically.

I hadn’t felt my natural hair in over 30 years. I’d also never been convicted about that before, but it seemed that my New York audiences were overwhelmingly filled with women who were natural.  And I began to feel the need to know me in that way, and even I was shocked.

You see, I’d been happily permed and didn’t have any desire to be anything else. (You can read about my Southern-bred assimilation experiences here.) Although I’ve lived from Atlanta to Los Angeles, I’m a Southern Girl and mostly working as an independent contractor in the corporate world, going “natural” was out of the question in my world. In my world, going natural was synonymous with possibly not working so I never considered it.

Now here’s what happened about 3 days after The Big Chop. Producers for the Biography Channel called me to be the personal development expert in the “Ted Williams: Homeless to Hollywood story” (you can read the blog that made them want me) which meant, my bald head would be on a national (possibly international) stage.

I’ve gotten all kinds of responses to My Clean Shave, mostly supportive, but I did have some family and friends (from the South and still very much so stuck in some of my prior thinking) who have been clear about their displeasure.  (Yeah, I know, it’s MY head, but their displeased…betta know what you want and do it, despite them!) Like one childhood friend whose response to my answer to why I cut it, “…got a wild hair up my arse”: Why didn’t you just cut the wild hair?!

Anyway, I don’t know where this journey will take me, but I’m enjoying the Shaved Head for now. Feeling extra grown about it, and Grown ISSexy!

TOO CUTE, HUH?

Now tell me…have you done The Big Chop? Would you do The Big Chop? What do you think about My Big Chop?

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

Divorce Is Not An Option

I believe that most people enter marriage without any thoughts of divorce. For many people, especially first-timers, it’s a dream realized; a mission accomplished. But for those of us who have been there we know that it’s just the beginning. The beginning of a journey that by its very nature is riddled with trials and complexities; joy and happiness are not by-products of marriage, but they can be the results of a decision each party makes demonstrated through respect for each other and intentional cultivation. And even then, the best intentions are no contest for life’s inevitable curve balls.

“Divorce is not an option.”

Divorce: The Only Option

To some, this declaration is a sign of commitment to the relationship, to others it’s more spiritual – a promise to God. I’ve declared it for both reasons at different times, and my experience is that it was a bondage mentality because sometimes divorce is the only option!

The best approach to any situation is with a flexible mind and pliable heart; fluid to adapt and balance your personal peace as the people, situations and circumstances change around you.

Marriage: A Series of Challenges
Whatever beliefs you enter marriage with, they will be tested. Whatever you believe about your mate will be tested. Whatever plans you make will be tested.

These challenges are all a part of the process of marriage, which inevitably alters your mentality about your marriage (mate). Nobody knows what their marriage will be until they’re in it, and I believe that everybody who’s ever been married has had, at least one, ‘what (the hell) have I done’ moment or ‘who (the hell) have I married’ moment.

If both parties enter the marriage with eyes wide opened, equipped and ready to ride the tides it can be an adventurous joyous journey that binds you all the more because you’re each, intent on learning more about each other and becoming skillful at uniting against issues rather than be divided because of them. Most individuals don’t know how to do that, so division usually prevails.

And after your mentality has been altered, one too many times…like, seeing unsavory things in your mate that you didn’t know was there, patterns emerging, friction looming, etc. (this list could be endless) and you’ve been divided enough that the personal affects in the marriage are not good for you as an individual, divorce has to be an option!

The reality is that, things aren’t always as they appear or they are exactly as they appear but change; sometimes too drastically to bear. In that case, one needs to know that there’s life after divorce. Sometimes just acknowledging that divorce may have to be a possibility could be enough to avoid it, but resisting it as a possibility will not dissolve marital issues.

So yes, “Divorce is not an option” WILL keep you married, but it won’t make you happy.

Marriages don’t end because of one person and their issues. Nobody is ever completely innocent – I don’t care what you’ve heard.

As my mind was transforming toward the end of both marriages, I came to two different realities with the same conclusions: I was not married to the contracts nor to God, but to men. Men that, in the end I declared, “if I knew then what I know now I never would have said, ‘I Do’”!

Lessons Learned Never Cost Too Much!
If divorce is not an option when you’re not happy AND things may not change than you’ve committed to a life of misery. Well, misery has repercussions that all involve misery and you’re the only one responsible for your happiness.

Every marriage, like everything else is filled with teachable moments – mostly, about ourselves. If you were really a student and learned, even if those experiences’ tuition was high, they were all valuable and in my opinion, never wasted – time, sweat neither money nor tears.

I believe it’s smart to recognize when a marriage has run its course and to keep it moving. You shouldn’t be shackled by a belief, nor should anybody be shackled to you.

I can’t even imagine still being married to either of those men (I’m not saying anything against them. This is about me) and if I’d remained in either of those marriages, I would not have evolved and grown to attract the people and experiences I have since them. Today, I have no regrets…not for saying I do, neither for changing my mind.

The only thing that’s not optional for me in life is my happiness, and I am the only one responsible for that! I’ve been divorced now for over a decade and often look back at those lives with bewilderment. My personal development producing the ability to lead self with independent thought and confidence now is a peaceful space. I SO, couldn’t do that then.

GREATEST LESSON: To really love somebody is demonstrated through absolute acceptance. If there’s anything, at all, that you’ve not embraced and try to change about him/her – I can assure you that divorce doesn’t have to be an option in your mind, it will be inevitable in your life. People can only live under those conditions, but, so long.

We’re Growin’ UP…Grown IS Sexy!

And hey, I’m listening…tell me what you think – leave a comment.

And if you enjoyed this post, please share it.

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony

When A Woman Makes Her Man: Michelle Obama

Here’s the ultimate demonstration of how a woman’s use of her powers can build a man. Indulge me as I share this story:

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious.  When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private.  They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

The 1st Lady and The President

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, why was he so interested in talking to you. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.

President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant”, to which Michelle responded, “no, if I had married him, he would now be the President”.

Truth: I have no way of knowing if this is true but it’s demonstrative of a woman who knows her power and how to use it. For too many women, you exercise your wiles and keep getting better at it for your own gain – which is temporary – when you’re capability of not just healing a man and increasing his desire to be a better man (along with his desire to be better to and for you), but propelling him which propels you.

That’s the power of a woman…if only each one knew it.

Gon’ 1st Lady…LOVE HER!  Hell, I am her…are you? Where’s your “Exhibit A”? Proof is in the puddin’, Babaay (in my NOLA voice).

It’s time to grow up…Grown IS Sexy!

I DARE YOU TO SHARE THIS WITH SOMEBODY
Each One, Teach One to Build One

All the best,
Zara
Speaker, Individuality Advocate
Author of Living by Design and Living in Harmony